Her Cost of Living
by Sailor Otaku
Summary: YxA AU Anna's had a hard past, a rare disease and death is on its way. She told herself she wouldn't fall in love. But what happens when she saves a boy from drowning? R
1. Breathe

**Hey! It's been exactly a year since I updated the first Chapter for "The High Cost of Living"! So this is "The High Cost of Living (somewhat)" in Anna's POV. It's more about her feelings and this chapter starts out before she met Yoh. And you probably will like THCOL better because it's more positive, but oh well. You didn't have to read that one before this one, but it would be nice if you do read it sometime. I'd also like to thank FCelcia for helping me think of a title for this story! Thank you so much! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters (except Mrs. Hino), but I do own the plot and storyline! **

Chapter 1:

"Breathe"

I breathed in slowly.

I breathed out fast.

I breathed out so fast that it sounded like a sigh. I closed my eyes. I was at the docks. I came here often, to get away from everything; to relax.

I sat on the soft sand and watched the children with their families go by. One of the children with black messy hair and brown eyes stopped in front of me.

"Why are you just sittin' here?" a little boy asked.

"To enjoy the scenery," I replied.

"Well, why you got a sweater on?" he was certainly a curious little boy, "It's hot today!"

"Well, I'm not hot," I said simply.

"Why you got a red hat on?"

"It's not a _hat_, it's a _bandana_," I pointed to my head, "My parents gave it to me for my birthday, and I love it very much."

"Yea? My parents got me this!" The boy brought out a toy airplane, "And I love it too!" And with that the boy spread out his arms and ran away making noises that sounded like an airplane soaring through the air, "_Voosh!_"

I gave a sad smile, _'Children have such innocent minds……so full of happiness……'_

The wind started to blow through my blonde hair and my bandana. I stood up, closed my eyes and spread my arms out like the boy did. I just let the wind pass me.

ooo000ooo

After a while the crowd died down…...but I stayed there. I walked around the sand for a bit. When just about no one was there, and I decided to take off my sweater, only to reveal scars. On both of my arms there was a long deep slash that will never go away. Little cuts surrounded my arms, but maybe they will go away in time.

I must admit, the small cuts were made by me.

Once again I breathed in calmly. This time I breathed out calmly. I thought of that boy I saw today. He was certainly a strange boy, but that is perfectly fine, that's the way kids are supposed to be.

I looked around to see two boys standing next to the docks, one that dark chocolate colored hair and the other had a purple-sliver-ish color to his hair. They looked about my age or at least a year older.

To tell the truth I see them almost everyday; just them talking. None of them ever really saw me, and I hope to keep it that way.

I couldn't help but watch the two boys. They seemed happy. I could hear them laugh, even if I was on my way home. That made me smile. I wasn't too big on smiling, even if I did smile, it would always be a sad one.

I looked at the boys one more time and then turned to leave. Where was I headed? To the cemetery; I go there every day. It was important that I did, because very important people are there. I couldn't go a day without seeing them. I mean, who could go a day without seeing their family?

Hm…after the cemetery, I suppose I should head home…...

ooo000ooo

The next day was a colder day; it was hard to believe that yesterday was a hot one. It seemed as though it would rain soon, not today……but soon.

I was prepared to do the same thing as yesterday: go to the dock, the cemetery and then home. That was basically my daily routine. It was boring, but what else was there to do? I didn't have enough money to go back to school, and even if I did, I'd feel out of place. I hardly had any money….what was I to do? I was all alone. I live at an inn and help out there too. I get money for helping out, but that money only bought what was needed to survive ((a/n: such as food, soap, shampoo, manga, anime….hm…or is that just me?)).

I went to the docks and sat down again. I don't think I'll ever get tired of the ocean. Once again many people were at the docks, including that strange boy I saw yesterday. Once again he stopped to talk to me. The boy was about 6 or 7 years old it seemed.

"Hey, it's you again!" The boy said, "The girl with the red _banana_!"

"Its called _bandana_," I corrected, "not banana."

The boy just smiled, "My name's Toshi, what's yours?"

"My name is Anna."

"Hehehe!" The boy, Toshi, laughed, "Anna banana!"

I rolled my eyes, _'Is this what really runs in the minds of kids?' _

"Anna banana bandana!" The boy laughed some more.

"Look kid-"

"My name is Toshi remember?" He had cut me off, "Can _you_ make it rhyme with anything?"

"Toshi Yoshi Moshi."

Toshi just kept laughing. He laughed so much it was impossible not to smile. I couldn't help it.

"Isn't it funny?" Toshi said calming down only by a hair, "You're name rhymes with what you are wearing!"

"I don't really see why that is funny."

Even though I had said that, Toshi just kept laughing, "It just is!"

Finally Toshi calmed down.

"Too bad my name doesn't rhyme with airplane……then we'd both have names that rhyme with our gifts!"

"But it is hard to rhyme the word 'airplane'," I said.

Toshi frowned, "That's no fun."

I just shrugged and he kicked the sand. Then he came over at sat next to me and stared at the ocean.

"Why do you always come here and look at the ocean?" Toshi looked hard at the ocean, "What is so special about it?"

"Well…" I had never thought about that, "I just like water I guess." It was true, but that's probably not why I come here everyday.

"That's it?"

"What do you mean?"

"That's all you're here for?"

"Is that a problem?"

"Well, I go here to play or spend time with my family," Toshi looked over to me; "Don't you come here to play or spend time with your family?"

"No, not any more," I looked at the ocean, "But I used to come here with my family when I was younger."

"Now what? Are you too _old _to spend time with your family?" This made me look at him, "My older sister doesn't come here with my family because she's too 'old'. But you can never be too old to visit your family can you?"

"That's right."

"If you agree than why aren't you here with your family?"

'_How could I explain this to him?' _"Well, um, it's because-"

I was cut off by a sharp pain in my chest, _'No! I can't have an attack in front of this kid!'_

"Um, Anna Banana? Are you okay?" Toshi looked worried and I tried to stand the pain.

'_It's too hard……it wouldn't be if I could just…_

Breathe

…_I have to find a way to… _

Breathe

…_to others it's so easy to…_

Breathe

…_but why is it that I couldn't…_

Breathe

…_just concentrate…_

Breathe

…_you have to…_

Breathe

…_if it's so easy to…_

Breathe

…_then why I couldn't I…_

……………_Breathe………………'_

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**Well, how was that? I know what you are thinking: **

"**No! Not another sad one! Damn you Sailor Otaku! You are too cruel!" **

**My response: But you get to know Anna's feeling in this one! This (might) mean more Romance! (YAY!) And don't worry, I'll update soon! And I don't really expect you to like this one as much as the other one. In fact you don't even have to read this one (but I would love it if you did!) I'm sorry; I don't know why I like to writetragedy. So until next time**

**Ja ne **


	2. White Room

**YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THAT I HATE HATE, HATE, HATE HOSPITALS! I haven't been in a hospital for about 4 years or longer. And I admit that I FEAR hospitals! So I'm sorry if I get any of this wrong. I'm not good with this kind of stuff. So please forgive me for the lack of description! Anyway, I hope you will Enjoy!**

Chapter 2:

"White Room"

'_Oh, Dear God, why here?' _I was in a white room. Don't get me wrong, I love the color white…..but this….this is _too _white……It hurt my eyes.

I sighed. I always get this room. Room 207. I don't get why they even bothered to number this room. Why didn't they just call it "Anna's Room"? They always seem to reserve this room for me.

I slowly got up and moaned; my bandana wasn't on. I looked around to see if I could see where they put my clothes. They always hide it in different places so that I wouldn't find it and run away. It never works though.

As I looked around, a woman caught my eye, "Mrs. Hino!"

"Anna-chan!" The woman ran to my bedside, "Are you alright?"

Mrs. Reiko Hino. She was a slightly round woman, wore glasses and had raven hair; this woman was my caretaker. She was the owner of the inn where I live. After I had lost everything, she took me in.

"I'm fine, Mrs. Hino," I responded.

She sighed in relief, "Good, good."

"Mrs. Hino, do you know where my clothes are?"

"No, I'm sorry Anna-chan," she said sadly, "I just got here."

"Oh, I see," I said and I kept looking.

"By the way," Mrs. Hino looked for something in her gray jacket, "As I was walking to your room, a family stopped me and told me to give this to you."

Mrs. Hino handed me a homemade card. On the front it said: "TO: AnNa BaNaNa"

By the sloppy handwriting and the name, I could tell it was from Toshi. The front also had a picture of a stick-figure with blonde hair and a red bandana next to what seemed like the water.

"Thanks Mrs. Hino for delivering this to me."

"Don't thank me, thank the little boy Anna-_Banana_," she smiled, "He insisted that I gave this to you as soon as you woke up. Well, are you going to open it or what?" Mrs. Hino took a seat next to my bedside.

(a/n: I would write in a sloppy form to show that Toshi has bad writing, but it might bug some of you, so I won't) Inside, the card said:

_Dear Anna Banana,_

_What happened? My parents say you are sick. But you don't look sick. And if you are sick, does that mean I can't see you anymore? I hope not! You are my new friend! Are you sick bad, Anna Banana? I hope I can see you tomorrow!_

_Your new Friend,_

_Toshi Yoshi_

Then on the inside of the card, had two stick-figures: once again the blonde one with the red bandana and a boy with messy black hair; basically a picture of me and him. I smiled as I saw the two figures holding hands. I've known him for about two days, and he already considered me a friend. I guess kids are like that, they just want someone to play with and to talk to.

"So," Mrs. Hino smiled, "You've made a new friend."

"Yea. I met Toshi yesterday at the docks."

"I always knew that you would make a friend over there," She said happily, "You might even find a boyfriend!"

"Mrs. Hino……"

"Hehehe!" She giggled, "Wouldn't that be nice? Then I would see your beautiful smile more often!"

"Mrs. Hino…." She could tell what I was going to say be my tone; she's heard this before, "What's the point of having a boyfriend? I'll only break his heart. My attacks are coming more often which means…"

"But Anna-chan!" Mrs. Hino hated that subject.

"When your husband died, you were left heartbroken. I don't want to leave anyone heart-broken."

"So are you saying it would have better if I had never met him?"

I nodded.

"Not true Anna," she said in a very serious tone. I can tell she was absolutely serious because she didn't call me '-chan'. "It's true that he left early, but everyone dies sometime. It's just a part of life. Some go early, some go late. I will never regret meeting my husband."

"I don't think I will last that long anyway," It was true, I didn't, "Besides, even if I do manage to live another year, who would want to be my boyfriend anyway?"

"That boy is your friend."

"He's about 6 or 7."

"I know that," Mrs. Hino gave a small laugh, "I didn't mean it that way, I meant someone wants to be your friend. That little boy isn't the only one who willing to make a friend like you. You just have to give people a chance."

"I……" I knew that what she was saying was true, but…"I just don't think I can do it. I don't want people to cry and feel bad. I don't want them to feel like I did, or like you did. Nobody likes to feel like that. It would have been better if I had just died 8 years ago; if I had just died by my heart condition."

"No," Mrs. Hino hugged me, "Don't **ever **say that. You are living here for a reason. You were saved for a reason. I know the doctor says that you won't last any longer, but that's what the doctor said 8 years ago, right? You just might prove them wrong again."

"…" I could not find anything to say. My mind was saying to me, _'You say you don't want anyone to be sad when you died, so don't die.' _But it was easier said than done.

"I'm sorry, Anna-chan," Mrs. Hino let go of the hug, "I have to go back to the inn."

"It's ok, go ahead." Mrs. Hino gave a smile and left.

Once Mrs. Hino was gone, I sighed and leaned my head back onto the pillow. I promised that I wouldn't give up on life; I promised that I would keep on living. Out of respect for my family and Mrs. Hino I would keep that promise to myself. Mrs. Hino also had no family left either, she, in a way, was just like me. I had to keep living.

As I was about to get more rest, there was a knock on my door, _'Oh, what now?' _

"Come in."

"Um, hi Anna," a shy pink-haired junior nurse walked in.

"Oh, hi Tamao," I said sitting up again. Tamao was 14, two years younger than me, yet she was a junior nurse who spent most of her time here.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine."

"Hm…" She sat down next to me, "It's getting late, have you gone to the cemetery yet?"

"Yes, I did this morning," I never told Tamao what happened when I was younger, but the doctors and Mrs. Hino told her about it.

"Oh, w-well, tomorrow I can escort you because you know how you have to stay here for—"

"You know that won't work."

"Yea," She looked down, "I know."

Tamao was someone I considered a friend. Usually she would not talk, but I've know her for a while, since I come here often. We'd usually talk whenever I come here. She didn't like the fact that I always left, but she understood.

"But, why don't you just stay here? I mean what's the harm? I can escort you so you won't get in trouble."

"I don't want to stay here. You know that I hate this white room. Besides, I have a very rare disease."

"But if you stay long enough, they might find a heart……"

"Tamao, you know better than anyone about what Dr. Faust said."

"Yes, yes I know, he said:

'_Even if we find a heart, it still might not work. This is very rare, not even a handful has had this disease, and they've all died from it. We'll do the best we can.'_

"And Dr. Faust is the best," Tamao sighed.

"Besides," I said, "I don't think I can handle _another_ surgery." I had scars down my chest from the surgery. It almost felt like every part of my body was scared. Well, my face hadn't been scarred, but my arms, legs and chest were.

"So, are you giving up?"

"…" I stayed silent. I wanted to say "no", but if I did, she'd insist that I stay.

"You know, a couple of years ago, at my self-esteem meetings," Tamao had gone to the self-esteem meeting because her parents believed that she didn't have any self respect. In a way she was because she told me that she was bullied in her last school for being so shy (a/n: don't say that is highly unlikely, because it's not, I've been bullied because of my shyness to), and she's just let them do it, "There were some suicidal kids…"

I listened; I wanted to know if she was going to say something I _hadn't_ heard before.

"…And the speaker was pretty harsh on us. He said things like:

'_You're so selfish, why would you give up your own life? Suicide is a selfish act, what about those who care about you? You will only make them suffer if you die. Yea life sucks, get it over it!' _

"And at first I thought that he was making things worse, but then he said:

'_Don't give up, you may think that your life sucks, but there is always someone out there whose condition is worse.'_"

"Oh, Dear God, I hope not……" I couldn't imagine the poor soul, who had a worst situation then me, _'That's just too sad…but you never know…'_

"Well, maybe not in your case," she said sadly and continued, "He said:

'_There's always someone out there whose condition is worse……so go out and help them…Don't waste your time think about how your life sucks, think about others too, and help. Maybe you can find someone…who can help you in return…Don't be selfish, think about those who care about you, think about those who are in worse conditions…go out and help someone…' _

"And that's why I decided to become a nurse. I want to help others, and it's making me feel better inside too. Besides, by doing this, I've met you, I've met a friend."

I nodded. No, I have never heard that one before, and in my opinion, that was the best I've heard yet. Besides, the reason why I hadn't killed myself yet was because my family had saved me, and Mrs. Hino needed me and I promised myself that I wouldn't let my family down, and as long as I can help it, I will not let them down.

"So," Tamao said, "Are you giving up?"

"Never."

"So," she smiled, "Did that little speech get to you? Are you going to stay?"

"Well, I had never heard the speech before, but I still realized it. No, I'm not going to stay, I'm going to go out and help, right?"

Tamao frowned, and I felt a little bad, her plan had backfired……

"Well, yea, I guess," she said quietly.

I sighed, "Look, Tamao—"

"Good Afternoon, Anna!" A woman with long blonde wavy hair barged in.

"Good Afternoon," I responded.

"Oh, hello, Eliza!" Tamao bowed.

Eliza was a beautiful woman who worked as a nurse, Tamao's trainer actually. She is very good at her job and is partners with her husband, the best doctor around……

"Doctor Faust," Eliza spoke, "Would like to talk to you, Anna."

"Well, if it isn't my favorite patient?" a man with blonde, messy hair walked in, he had slight bags under his eyes because his work keeps him busy. Even if he had slight rings, no one really minds, it was a symbol of dedication of his work. He was the famous Doctor Faust VIII. "How are you feeling?"

"The same," I answered simply.

"Well, I guess you expect the same, don't you?" I admired Dr. Faust; he was honest and straight forward.

I nodded.

"Well, than you won't be disappointed," He shook his head, "No improvements."

I shrugged, "I didn't expect it to change."

"Though, I've noticed, you're getting attacks more often…"

"Yea, I know……"

"Why don't you try to stay here so I can help you?"

"…" I didn't respond and just turned my head.

"Please Anna?" Eliza and Tamao together, but Tamao added another "Please?"

"Please understand that I have to visit my family _everyday_."

"Then please let Tamao escort you," Eliza pleaded.

"No, I'm sorry, but it's something I have to do by myself…" I didn't like when others saw me to the point of tears, it made me feel weak; I couldn't have anyone see me like that.

"Well, it's either she escorts you or you don't go," Dr. Faust crossed his arms.

"…"

"That's what I thought," he said when I stayed quiet.

I sighed, I know that I will be able to sneak out, but I couldn't let them know that I still planned to do it. So I said, "Alright, now let me get some sleep."

"Good night, Anna," Eliza said as she turned to leave, "See you tomorrow, _right_?"

I pulled the covers over my head and moaned.

Tamao giggled and added, "Good night!" Then I heard her and Eliza leave.

"Anna," Dr. Faust said, "I really wish you would stay, that way I could help you."

"Nothing can be done."

"You keep saying that, but maybe if I can run some more tests……"

"Do you always do this to patients that are trying to sleep, or is it just me?"

"Well, as I said, you're my favorite," he chuckled, "Good night, see you in the morning!"

Once I heard the door close, I pulled the covers off my head and sighed. I knew that they cared and only wanted the best for me, but I just couldn't……I couldn't… "I'm sorry, I just can't stay here……bad……bad memories remain here…I refuse to stay…I……I really am sorry."

ooo000ooo

I said I wanted to sleep, but I didn't, I just pretended. I said it again, "Sorry…" As if I couldn't say it enough.

I had just escaped the hospital, right after the midnight check. Eliza checked up on me, saw that I was there and left, after that I got my things and snuck out, "Sorry, but I really……really hate…that…that white room…" with that I walked home.

On my way I thought of Dr. Faust, Eliza, and Tamao, _'Hm…………they shouldn't be too mad, I left them a note this time…' _

I smirked as I thought of the note. I wrote:

_Dear Dr. Faust, Eliza, and Tamao,_

_I am very sorry, but I had to leave. I had just remembered that I had to work the morning shift at the inn. I am very sorry, but since I am not paying for the rent, I have to work it off. I hope you'll understand, once again sorry._

_You're favorite patient_

_Anna_

'_Hm……they shouldn't be too mad, right? They'll understand,' _I had reached my home and started my way to my room, _'It feels nice……to not sleep in that white room…'_

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**Ookie-Dookie! I hoped you enjoyed this chapter! Yay! Tamao, Faust and were in it! Next chapter will have Pirika, Horo Horo, and _maybe _Renand Yoh. So please stay tuned and oh! I also have a surprise……A trivia question! Whoever answers this correctly can have some sort of prize, and sorry, it doesn't have to do with Shaman King. It's to see if you know any other animes! Okay! Here we go!**

**Q. The character, Mrs. Reiko Hino, is named after another character from another anime. Who is she named after and what show is she from?**

Hint: The name is not exact (it would be too easy if it was!) and she is not a "Mrs." She does not really look like Mrs. Hino, expect for one thing!

**Well, good look with that, I hope I didn't make it too hard! Hope you review with at least a guess, and don't worry, I'll respect all you're answers…even if they are way off…So, try it out! Until next time**

**Ja ne!**


	3. Problems

**Okay! I'm back? Sorry it took so long, but I was on vacation! Oh, and I'm sorry if it bugs you that I just write "Horo," but my computer wants to delete the second Horo, and it gets annoying to undo the deleting. Well, here is the new chapter: Enjoy!**

Chapter 3:

"Problems"

"WHAT!" A male voice came and I moaned _'Uh……the usual wake up call…' _

The strange thing was that the voice came from the other side of the wall, which means that it was a neighbor, a neighbor named Horo Horo Usui.

Horo Horo, who I like to just call "Horo", was a 16 year old boy, the same age as me, who had blue hair and basically lived in the inn. His parents where always on business trips or doing something else that didn't involve Horo and his 15 year old sister, Pirika. They were basically living by themselves. I have only seen their parents about once or twice a year.

"YOU WENT OUT WITH REN LAST NIGHT!" Horo screamed.

"Shhhh…….brother! Everyone will here you!" Pirika tried to calm him down.

I got up and gathered my things, I didn't want to listen, but it seemed as though I had no choice, Horo won't keep it a secret……

"I DON'T CARE IF THE WHOLE WORLD HEARS ME!"

"Well, I do! Please stop shouting!"

"WELL, I'M NOT GOING TO STOP, SINCE YOU DIDN'T STOP GOING OUT WITH REN! HOW COULD YOU DEFY ME LIKE THAT!"

"What? _Defy you_? How the heck did I _defy you_?"

"REN IS MY ARCHRIVAL!"

"No he's not! Isn't he your best friend?"

"NO! WHERE DID YOU GET A STUPID IDEA LIKE THAT?"

'_Uh……Here we go again,' _I got my stuff and headed toward the bathroom.

"So you two fought again? Is that it?" Pirika was getting even more upset.

"ARGH! THIS ISN'T ABOUT ME THIS IS ABOUT _YOU_!"

I walked into the bathroom and turned on the water, making me hear only part of the conversation. I undressed and got in the bath.

Pirika is one of my friends, but she's always fighting with her brother, or better yet, _everyone_ fights with Horo; I must admit, even I "fight" with Horo. I've seen the boy they were talking about, the boy Ren. Ren was a 15 year old boy with black "pointy" hair. Pirika says that I remind her of him, because he is sarcastic and straight-forward like me. Maybe that's why Ren fights with Horo, but then again Horo just isn't much of a thinker.

Pirika likes Ren (because she always talks about him when Horo isn't around), and I'm guessing that he likes her too. I think that Horo is just afraid that he'll lose his sister, I mean, it's usually just them two. What would happen if Pirika went away? Horo would get extremely lonely. I think he's also afraid that his best friend, Ren, would not hang out with him anymore. So now Horo's mad at the two of them, claiming that Ren isn't his friend anymore.

I sighed; this wasn't going to be easy. Pirika also got "jealous" when Horo shows interest in a girl. Whenever the two come to visit me at the hospital, Horo shows some interest in Tamao, and Pirika can tell. I think that Pirika is afraid of being alone too. But if they both get a boyfriend or a girlfriend, why should they be afraid?

Then it hit me, why do I care so much? This was their problem, not mine. Hm…I guess I was a little afraid too, I didn't want them to be alone either……no one really loves to alone, they just like it a little. They don't deserve to be alone, and although Pirika and Horo always fight, they were still my friends.

I finished taking my bath and changed into my inn uniform, which was a traditional kimono that was a very light blue, many mistake it for white, and it had the name of the inn on it too, "Funbari Inn". I dried my hair just a bit, for I was afraid I was going to be late. Actually, I woke up a little later than I was supposed to. So I took my bandana and wrapped it around me, kinda like an extra sash; the dress code didn't really allow bandanas anyway.

I hurried to the desk and looked at the clock, _'Just in time.' _Then I made my way to the desk.

"Oh, hello Anna-chan," Mrs. Hino came and made a worried face, "Weren't you supposed to stay at the hospital?" She was in her uniform, ready to take my place.

"Oh, well I told them that I had to work."

"Oh, okay," she smiled, "You know, I told you that it was okay for you to wear your bandana."

"I know, but I wasn't able to fully dry my hair, so I'll just wait," then I pointed to my waist, "I have it wrapped around me so it's still with me."

"Okay," she smiled, "Makoto will come and take over your shift at 10:00."

Then Mrs. Hino left and there was nothing to listen to but the clock. I stood there at the desk and started to play with the pen. I'm sad to say, but the "Funbari Inn" wasn't that popular.

Finally I heard someone come in, "Welcome to the Funbari Inn, are you looking to stay for-"

I stopped when I noticed who it was: Ren.

"Hey, Anna," he said, "Is Pirika or Horo Horo in?"

"Yes," I was a little disappointed that it wasn't a costumer, "but you should know, they woke me up by fighting."

"Really?" He wasn't surprised, "What was it about this time?"

"You," I said calmly, and he only turned his head.

"You mean he found out?"

I nodded and he smirked, "Oh well, it doesn't matter, Horo Horo can't stop us with a little yelling."

"I'd say that they woke the whole inn up."

"Stupid Ren!" Horo mumbled as he came into the room, not noticing Ren, "Stupid Pirika! Everyone's against me! Even the inners!"

"Maybe that's because you woke them all up," Ren said as Horo noticed his presence in the room.

"YOU!" Horo pointed a finger at Ren, "This is all YOUR fault! YOUR fault I was yelling so loud, and it was YOUR fault that Pirika turned against me!"

"Are you sure it wasn't your own stupidity?"

"GRRRR…!" Horo was getting really mad now and I sighed, '_Here we go again.' _

"You shouldn't be so controlling. Let Pirika do what she wants!"

"She's my sister! I have to watch over her! It's my job to protect her from guys like you!"

"Guys like me? Oh, and what kind of guy would you mark me as? Besides, at least she's not going out with an idiotic guy like you!"

I tried to drown them out, why did they have to fight here? Why in front of me? I have nothing to do with this.

"Stop it you two!" Pirika came into the room, _'Great now they are going to fight even more now that she's here.'_

"Pirika! Get out! You're not allowed to see him anymore remember!" Horo pointed to Ren.

"See, there you go controlling her again!" Ren argued, "Let her do what she wants!"

"Brother, I want to be with him, why can't you see that?" Pirika got a depressed look on her face, "You were his friend what happened?"

"Yea, _Boro-Boro_, what's your problem?" Horo hated when Ren called him that.

"MY NAME IS NOT BORO-BORO, ITS HORO HORO!" Horo yelled; I was really getting tired of this……

"ENOUGH!" I was REALLY tired of this, "Stop fighting and stop yelling or I'll be force to kick you out for disturbing the inners!"

They got quiet and I continued, "Can't you find a solution for this without yelling, and can't you do it without me in the room?"

"I'm so sorry Anna!" Pirika apologized.

"Yea, I totally forgot that you were here," Horo said and I took that as his apology.

Pirika nudged Ren and then he said, "Sorry."

I sighed and they left the room, now I just have to wait until 10:00.

ooo000ooo

"Hey, Anna!"

"Oh, hello Makoto," I said as the brunette walked.

"I'm here to relieve you," she smiled as she walked up to the desk.

"Good luck," I said, heading to my room, "It looks like today isn't going to be a busy one."

She nodded and I headed to my room, I had to change my clothes before I headed to the cemetery.

oooo0000oooo

After the cemetery, I went to the docks, as usual. I was about to walk up to my usual spot when I saw that someone had already taken it. I was about to pick another spot when I realized who took mine.

"Toshi?" He was sitting where I usually do.

Toshi turned. At first he had a sad face, but when he saw me, it had change to a happy one, "Anna Banana!" He ran to hug me, but his head barely reached my stomach.

"Hey, why the long face?"

"I was sad because you are sick!" He looked up at me and was sad again.

"Well, I feel better now," I bent down so I was about his height.

Toshi put his hand on my forehead, "Well you don't have a fever."

I smirked and stood up, "Oh, and thanks for the card."

"……Anna……that was scary…" I frowned when I saw that it looked as though he was going to cry, "You fell back and you didn't breathe…" he started to cry, "I……I thought you were dead!"

I looked at the boy with sympathy. I went on my knees and hugged him, "Hey, but I'm not dead, remember?"

"Y….Yeah….I know…" he sniffed, "b…..but it was still scary…"

"Yeah, I'm sorry."

"Promise me you won't do it again," he sniffed.

I hesitated, "I……I can't….s-sorry."

"W-why? I thought you said you were better?" He started to cry again, "My mom says that if you are really sick……I…I can't see you anymore!"

'_Well, maybe its better that way,' _I know he wouldn't like it if I said I couldn't see him anymore, but what if I died in front of this kid? What if I had another attack, what if it was worse than last time? I can't do that……I can't scare this kid by dying in front of him.

"Anna……are you really sick…?"

"Y…yes…I'm sorry Toshi," I hugged him tighter for a moment and then let go.

Toshi cried, "B...but….but……"

"Don't worry, Toshi," I tried to smile for him…he was crying so hard… "We will always be friends, right?"

"R…right…" he tried to wipe away his tears, "Does this mean I can't see you anymore?"

"Well……yes and no. I will visit you from time to time as long as you come to this same spot to watch the ocean. But, not everyday, got it?"

"So," his crying had died down to sniffles, "You will visit me only sometimes, not everyday?"

"Right."

"Toshi!" A feminine voice yelled.

"Mommy!" Toshi yelled happily.

A woman with short raven hair in a yellow sundress stopped about 5 feet away from Toshi and me.

"Toshi," she smiled at her boy, "It's time to go."

"Aw……Aw-right," he said sadly and looked at me, "Bye, _Anna Banana_."

I smiled, "Bye, _Toshi Yoshi_."

Toshi walked over to his mother who looked at me with sympathy and then turned to leave…without saying anything to me. I could tell she didn't want me near her boy so I whispered, "I'm sorry……"

Why? Why were there so many problems?

I looked over to the dock, where those two boys usually were. They weren't there…Darn…I was hoping their laughs could cheer me up.

I sighed; there were just so many problems.

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**Okay, how was that? Poor Toshi Yoshi and Anna Banana. Hm…I know this chapter was a little weird and you're thinking "When is Yoh going to come in?" Well, Hopefully next chapter! Oh, yea, I almost forgot, here's the answer for the trivia that was in chapter two. It was a pretty hard question, but I just thought it would be cool to know. **

**Q. The character, Mrs. Reiko Hino, is named after another character from another anime. Who is she named after and what show is she from?**

**A. The character Mrs. Reiko Hino is named after the character Rei Hino from Sailor Moon. Rei is also known as Sailor Mars! Also, in the English dubbed version her name is spelled "Raye". And what is the one thing Rei and Mrs. Hino have in common? They both have raven hair! **

**Well, I'll try to update soon. Until next time**

**Ja ne **


	4. Docks

**Aw…school started up again……so updates might be later (as if they weren't a long enough wait!) But….any-who…Are you ready for this next chapter? Well, ready or not, here it is! Oh, and Yoh is in this chapter! Enjoy!**

Chapter 4:

"Docks"

A few weeks after the incident with Toshi, I felt lonelier (if that's possible). I went to the docks, but I couldn't visit Toshi everyday; it was more like once a week. It wasn't just that, but the two boys I usually see weren't there anymore, to tell the truth, I kinda liked to hear them laughing.

I decided to head over to the docks, I don't think I'll visit Toshi today. Last time I saw him, he looked so happy, with the _new_ friends that he met at the docks…..Soon I'll just be "the girl", not Anna Banana, but I want it this way, he won't be so sad when I have to stop visiting him.

I stopped at a different spot, or better yet, my _new _spot. My new spot was one where I could watch Toshi play. Even if I did want to visit him today, by the time his friends left, he would have to leave. His parents didn't want him to get caught in the rain that was expecting to fall soon.

If you ask me, that rain isn't gonna fall yet. Nope……I don't expect it to…I have a feeling of when it's gonna fall; I don't know why, I just do….

I looked one more time at Toshi before getting up. He looked happy and I wished that he would forget me and at the same time I hoped that he wouldn't. I liked this little kid… he did everything a kid was supposed to: play and make friends easily. But another reason I think that I liked to be around him was because he had the same name as my father. My father's name? Toshi Kyoyama. I smiled at looked up at the sky, _'How ironic.'_

ooo000ooo

Later, I looked toward the docks where I usually see the two boys. They weren't there……it seemed as though I stopped seeing everyone after I decided to stop visiting Toshi. I haven't even seen much of Horo Horo lately or Pirika, which also means no Ren.

Though, today I did see one of the boys……the dark-chocolate-haired one……looking awfully sad. I immediately knew that _something _happened. Maybe they got into a fight? Maybe someone died……?

The boy stood up, and stared at the water. After a while, he looked up and then the old wood of the docks broke and he fell in.

For some reason, this worried me; he wasn't coming up. I ran to the docks, but he still hadn't surfaced. That was it; I took off my bandana and jumped in.

'_This boy,' _I thought, _'He was looking very sad…is he not swimming up on purpose? Does he want to die? Was this his plan? Oh, well, I can't just sit back and watch…not again…'_

The boy seemed to reach up his hand after a while, and I grabbed it, just to let him know that I was there, _'……or maybe he didn't do this on purpose……?'_

I saw that his pants got hooked onto something and I quickly unhooked it and brought him ashore. I took notice that he wasn't breathing and did CPR and mouth to mouth; it didn't matter to me that he was a complete stranger or not, I had to help him.

The boy coughed up water and I felt that he was burning up, "Are you alright?"

He must've not heard me because he didn't answer, and tried to stand up, only to fall back down. Finally he answered, "I'm dizzy."

"No kidding," I said, did he expect to be perfectly fine after almost drowning?

"You have a fever. I'll take you back to my place," I said as I put his arm over my shoulder.

It was pretty hard to try to get him to walk at first, but after a while, it was like he was walking automatically. It took a while to get to the inn, but we made it.

"What are we doing here?" It seemed as the boy was finally coming to his senses.

"I told you, at my place," he looked at my confusedly.

Soon we were inside the inn and walked past the desk and I greeted, "Hello, Mrs. Hino."

Mrs. Hino smiled and said, "Hello, Anna-chan!" Then her face turned to a concerned one, "Oh! Is your friend alright?"

"He will be," I nodded and made my way to my room. I let go of the boy thinking that he was now able to balance himself and made my way to my drawer. I was looking for something that this boy could wear. _'Hm……he's too big for my brother's clothes, and too small for my father's! Oh, well, my father's will have to do!'_

I gave him the clothes and said, "Here, put these on."

He took it, but asked, "Why don't you wear your bandana?"

"Because I don't want to get it wet," I replied simply, "There's a bathroom down the hall. Give me you're clothes when you're done so I can dry them."

The boy nodded and did as I said. After he left I had to pick out my new clothes, _'Uh……' _I moaned, _'That was my last pair of clean pants! Now I have to wear my dress……the one that reveals my……' _ I sighed and quickly got dressed, I didn't want to be changing and him walk in.

A few minutes later, after I was finished, he stepped back into the room, handing me his clothes, "Um, here."

I took his clothes, "I'll be right back. Make yourself at home."

I left to the wash room. I wasn't really worried that he would leave if I left, he needed his clothes back. The thing I was worried about was his condition; he was sick and obviously depressed, _'Was he there to commit suicide? Or did he just want to stop there to think?' _

I reached my destination and started to check his clothes. I didn't want to put any loose change in the drier from his shirt pocket. I was about to hang up his pants to dry when I felt something in his pocket, his ID. I looked at it, it read:

Name: Yoh Asakura

Date of Birth: May 12, 1989 (a/n: actually 1985, but then he would be 21)

Age: 16 (a/n: that's because I wrote the first fic in 2005)

School: Funbari High School

Grade: 11

'_Hm……Yoh…Asakura…' _I started to walk back to my room, _'I wonder how he's doing?'_

I entered the room to see Yoh feeling a little uncomfortable, "How do you feel, Yoh?"

"Oh, I……" Then he stopped confused, "How do you know my name?"

"You left your ID in your pocket," I said as I handed it to him.

"Uh, thanks," he said as he took it from me.

I decided to make him some soup; it looked as though he hadn't eaten since I last saw him on the docks with his friend……

"Those pants are a little big," I said as I turned to see him try to pull them up, "Oh, well, they're my dad's."

"Oh, will he mind?"

"No," I gave a sad smile, "I don't think he'll mind." I turned around and started to make Yoh some soup.

Yoh started to hold his head and let out a slight moan as he sat on the couch.

"What were you doing at the docks?" I asked.

"What were you?" He apparently didn't want to answer my question.

I turned and was a little angry that I didn't get an answer, but a question instead. "I like the docks; now your reason."

"Tch, what a reason!" Yoh said sarcastically.

'_I save him, yet I'm getting this attitude!' _I walked over to him and said, "I guess I should blame your fever for your hot-headedness!" I stared right into his eyes so that he knew that I was serious. Well, it worked because he soon got uncomfortable and looked away. At his attempt to look away, he caught sight of the scars on my legs. Then _I_ myself started to feel uncomfortable.

I didn't let it show though; I kept looking at him straight in the eye and said, "It's not nice to stare."

"Speak for yourself!" he fired back.

"Yeah, well I'm not _that _nice."

"Hmph!" Yoh pouted as I took and a chair and sat across from him.

It was quite a while until I said something that made his eyes widen, "You lost someone?"

"What?" Shocked and angry he replied, "What makes you say that?"

"You're condition," I crossed my arms, "You're sick and it looks as though you haven't eaten anything in a while. Speaking of which………" I got up and served Yoh some of the soup I was just cooking, "Eat up."

"I'm not hungry," he said stubbornly and looked away.

"Bull……I know you are," I put my hands on my hips, "You're not leaving till you eat."

"Thanks, but no."

"Is it your mom?"

"What?"

"Did you lose a parent?" I rephrased my question.

"What business is that of yours?"

"Answer the question," I didn't yell, but I gave a hard stare.

"No, it wasn't any of my parents."

'_Oh no, then it must be……' _"Your best friend……" he had a shocked, yet hurt face, "You lost him."

Yoh was upset at this topic and got up to leave, "Look, thanks for saving me and—"

I got up quick and beat him to the door, "I said you aren't leaving without eating."

I started to push Yoh to the seat at the table as he glared at me. I handed him a spoon and grabbed myself an apple.

He crossed his arms and stared at me, _'Geez……how stubborn…' _

"Look, I don't care if you feel as though you can't go on," I bit into the apple to make him hungry, "and I'm sorry if I ruined your chances of committing suicide, but……" I looked at him straight in the eyes to let him know that I was serious; "I will never let anyone die while I just sit back and watch."

I bit into the apple, I know that he hated to give in, but he needed to eat. Slowly he reached for the spoon and picked it up to taste the soup.

"Good boy," I smirked, "Dying of starvation isn't pretty, especially when millions die from it."

"Will you quit talking about dying!" He said angrily.

"Sure," I shrugged, "Just starting a conversation."

"Some conversation!" He said sarcastically and continued to eat.

I smiled to myself as I saw him eat, "I knew you were hungry. Look at you!"

Yoh stopped and glared at me, "Look, Anna, I'm only eating so I can leave………and the sooner the better!"

"Yea, sure," I continued to eat my apple.

Yoh just pouted and then continued to eat the soup.

When I saw him put the spoon down I asked, "Did you finish eating?"

Yoh nodded and I took the bowl, _'But before that……' _"Was it good?" I knew just how stubborn he was.

Yoh looked away and mumbled, "It was okay," then he said louder, "Can I leave now?"

"Hold on," I had to get his clothes first, "Don't leave yet."

I left to go get his clothes and I tired to think of a way to help him, _'Hm……how will this work? What should I say? How exactly do I help him?' _

Before I knew it I was in the laundry room, _'Well his clothes aren't fully dry, but I don't think he'll want to wait……poor Yoh, he is sick after all……'_

I started to walk back into the room and Yoh was just standing there quietly waiting, "Here you are. They're not completely dry yet, but it looks like you don't want to wait."

"Uh, thanks," He took the clothes and started to head for the door.

"Wait," I said and then he turned around. He jumped a little when I put my cold hand on top of his hot forehead, "You're fever has gone down a bit because you ate, but get some rest!"

Yoh nodded faintly and headed out the door, "Uh, thanks for everything……..."

I nodded in acknowledgement as he left. As soon as the door closed I leaned my head against the wall and sighed……_'I really hope he doesn't do anything stupid……this is going to be harder than I thought……' _

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**So……..some things are a little different because that's what Anna is thinking. Whether it's in my last story or not it maybe different because just because you think it, doesn't mean that it's entirely right……right? Ok! So thank you for reviewing! I love you guys so much! Until next time**

**Ja ne**


	5. Escape from White Room

**Ok! Sorry but this chapter is pretty short…well to me it is. But I thought it would be pretty funny/cool to show how Anna escapes from the hospital…don't you? Well, anyway please remember that I don't like hospitals at all and I haven't been in one in years, so if get some of the info wrong, please forgive me. Well, there's one thing left to say: Enjoy!**

Chapter 5:

"Escape from White Room"

It had nearly been a week since I had last seen Yoh. I couldn't help but worry about him, was he really going to be alright?

I sighed and leaned my head against the soft pillow. Yes, I was in the hospital _again_. It was an attack that was early in the morning…which meant it was going to be harder to escape….but I'll manage.

I got up and starting looking for my clothes. Once I found them, I changed. I decided to wait on putting on my bandana…it might be too noticeable.

Since it was early, I predicted that the workers were still sleepy so maybe it wouldn't be as hard as I thought. Instead of climbing out the window, I decided to pretend I was going to the bathroom.

Since it was an early morning attack I put on whatever was closest to me; my black dress. I slipped the hospital gown over my black dress; it was a good thing that my skirt wasn't that long…

I had been prepared for this for a long time. I knew that I'd probably get punished somehow for this but ………from my pillow I pulled out a sign that read "Out of Order."

I hide the sign under my gown as I carefully walked out. I've been sneaking around for as long as I could remember so I acted carefully. Everyone on the second floor new me (except for a few new patients) so I couldn't even pretend to be someone else.

Right now, at this point, it wouldn't matter or not if I got caught, as long as it wasn't one of the doctors who caught me.

"Oh? Is that you Anna-chan?" an old man asked.

"Ohayo Nenji-san," I greeted him good morning. Nenji was an old man who had been in the hospital as almost as long as I had been there. He never tried to sneak-out or anything since had been there so long so the doctors had given him freedom to move around as long as he brought his "beeper" (that's what he calls his little device that calls the nurses when he's having an attack) along with him.

"What are you doing up so early?"

"I could ask the same," I said nicely.

"Well, I was just looking for the restroom…"

"Me too, but this restroom's out of order…" I lied, "…you should go back and ask your nurse to help you get down to the first floor to use that bathroom."

"Oh, why thank you for warning me Anna-chan!"

"No problem Nenji-san."

With that he slowly walked away with his walker and I quickly went to the restroom and put the sign on it……now the hard part……I was debating on whether to use the elevator or the stairs to get to the lobby. If I used the elevator I had to make sure no one was on it or no one got on it……I guess it's stairs for me…

I snuck my way to the stairs. I hide behind wall or tables whenever it was needed and I actually started to get panicked that I won't make it, but I did……eventually.

Once to the stairs I quickly took off my hospital gown. I got the back of my hair and tied it in a messy bun, using my bracelet as a hair-tie. I left some hair in the front down to cover my face. I got my bandana and wrapped it around me like a sash.

I looked around and tried to think of a place where I could put my hospital gown. If I left it on the second-story stairs it would be obvious that I was the one who left it. I decide I would leave it on the first floor when I got to it.

I hurried down the stairs to the first floor; I was half way to the lobby. I really hoped I wasn't _that _noticeable. Come to think of it…I don't think that I am. I mean half of my hair was in my face while the other half was in a messy bun. Also my bandana was now used around my waist instead of on my head.

I stopped at the first floor. I opened the door that separated the staircase and the rooms. I cracked the door open an inch and peeked through to see if anyone was in the halls, or anyone that I recognized. When I saw that it was clear, I quickly put the hospital gown on the doorknob and returned to the stairs. I didn't know what the doctors and nurses would think when they saw that but I didn't care, as long as I could get out.

Now I totally forgot about the front desk. How was I going to explain why I was leaving? Then I remembered that you may have one visitor stay with you throughout the whole night if it was a special case.

I walked out of the staircase and casually walked toward the door. I made sure that my face my covered by my hair and out on a fake smile.

"Oh? Uh, miss?" A man at the front desk asked.

"Yes?" I turned as I made sure I lightened my voice; I hadn't seen this man at the desk before.

"Were you visiting someone?"

"Yes."

"May I get the name of whom you were staying with?"

"Yes," I made sure to smile a sweet smile, "My grandfather Kashiwazaki Nenji. I'm from out of town so when I came all the way here to visit him they said it would be okay to stay with him the whole night."

I knew that someday I'll be punished for this big lie I just said, but as long as I could get out right now, I'll deal with it later.

"And your name is?"

I stopped and smiled a sweet smile to make up time I was thinking of a name, "Annabelle Hino," my mother's name and Mrs. Hino's last name.

"Well, then Miss Annabelle, have a safe trip home," He smile and I couldn't help but think, _'Maybe he just asked to know my name? Maybe he's not even going to check?'_

"Thank you, but I'm not going home yet, you may even see me again sometime!" I put on a sweet smile.

"Alright then, come back soon and visit your poor grandfather!" The man smiled as I walked out the door.

"Okay! I will!" I was glad that I got out if there without getting caught during the day. I hardly ever have to escape during the day. I usually had the hardcore attacks during the night and not the morning. _'I wonder why I got it in the morning instead at night?' _

I shrugged it off, it didn't matter…its not like I had a schedule or something for my attacks. I just hope I never have to escape during the day like that again…it was too risky. There was a big possibility that I could get in trouble the next time I go into the hospital for lying……that is if I get caught.

Escaping the hospital was never _too _hard…when I escaped at night. Everything is easier at night because it was dark and everyone was tired; not to mention I was very good at sneaking around. But during the day the light shines in and makes everything noticeable because of the pure whiteness of the walls.

"Whatever, it's over," I said as I sighed, "Time to head for the cemetery and then the docks……Maybe I'll see him there…"

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**Well, I really hope you enjoyed that! I just thought that you might to know about her escaping……and actually this was pretty hard to write since I haven't been in a hospital for years! I hope I didn't get _too _much info wrong! Oh, and the next chapter takes place right after this! So Until Next Time**

**Ja ne **


	6. Talking Helps

**Hiya! I'm back! This chapter takes place right after chapter 5…which is weird because according to THCOL this is the second chapter! Oh well, the long the better, right? ((I hope so!)) Enjoy!**

Chapter 6:

"Talking Helps"

I started to walk towards the docks after I went to the cemetery. Most people my age were in school right now, so I don't think I'd see him.

By "him" I mean Yoh.

I couldn't help but think about him. He was in pretty bad shape the last time I saw him and I couldn't help but wonder, _'Is he still alive?' _

A horrible thought, I know.

I continued to walk toward the docks. Maybe I'll see him? No, that can't be, he'd be in school, right?

Once I reached the docks I saw a figure sitting on the ground. I squinted to look closer, _'That dark chocolate colored hair……So he _is _alive.' _I smirked, "Hey!"

"An-Anna?" He said somewhat surprised as he turned to look at me.

I bent down to place my cold hand on his forehead, "Hm, no fever, have you been eating?"

He gave a slight nod.

"Are you planning to drown yourself again?" I couldn't help but wonder why he was here.

"No," he glared angrily and picked up the clothes next to him, "I came to give this back to you."

What? Why would he come here? "Why didn't you go to the inn?"

"I did," he stood up and dusted the sand off his pants.

"Then why didn't you just leave them with Mrs. Hino?"

"Well I………" he looked away and I couldn't help but smirk, _'He wanted to give this to me in person.'_

"Why aren't you in school?" I asked when I realized if I didn't say anything there would be another awkward silence.

"Why aren't you?" _'He's so stubborn!'_

"Because I don't have money for supplies, and for other reasons………"

"What 'other reasons'?" I glared at him.

"I answered your question now answer mine!"

"I don't want to go," he said sadly.

"Because for your friend? Was he your only friend?"

"Why are you so interested?"

"I'm trying to help you out," I said simply.

"How does this help me out?" I had a feeling he was going to get all emotional again……

"You may not think so, but talking _does _help."

"I don't even know you!"

"Which in your case is better, right?"

"What?"

I took a breath, "Well, you have no other friends, and it seems that you and your family aren't very close. Maybe you need to get away from all those you know, because when you tell them you know how they'll react."

"So it's okay to talk to a perfect stranger?"

"No, it's not. But we aren't perfect strangers, I did give you mouth to mouth," I smirked.

Yoh growled, knowing he was losing this argument, "I don't _want _to talk about it!"

He sat back down and buried his face in his hand and growled in frustration.

I felt bad; he was getting so worked up about talking about it……maybe he just wasn't ready yet……

I sat next to him and hugged my knees, "Look, I'm sorry. I guess you really miss him."

"You think!" He sarcastically said while glaring at me.

"Do you have something he gave you?"

"Of course!"

"What were they?"

Yoh didn't take that glare away and said, "I told you I don't want to talk about it, you may try to find your way around it, but I'm not telling!"

I sighed; this was going to be _very _hard, but…… "Alright, _I'll _do the talking. See my bandana? It is very important to me. It was given to me from my family on my birthday. And it reminds me of them."

"Reminds you of them?" Yoh asked looking at me.

"Yes, they're dead," Yoh was so shocked to hear me say it so calmly and so was I, but somehow I remained calm.

I turned to look at him……but I could feel it…my eyes were totally emotionless and I felt as though I was looking through him. He disappeared in vision and I felt cold and it seemed to get dark all around me. I could see them, my mom, my dad, my brother, and an 8 year old me.

I looked in front of me where the "scene" was taking place, "They were murdered right in front of me. My mom, my dad, my brother…………they are all gone." I could see me as a little 8 year old skipping around the puddles that the rain was making. I happily showed off my new bandana……until a dark figure showed up, "My bandana used to be white, but on that day……everyone………everywhere………blood………" As the horrifying scene was going to replay in my head I hurriedly buried my head in my knees, "Why? Why was I the one only one to survive? Why did the murderer spare me? It was me who was supposed to die!"

"I……I'm sorry………"

Suddenly I snapped out of my vision of the past as Yoh said those words I lifted my head up towards him, "You should be!"

"Hey! It isn't easy for me to apologize!" Yoh fired back, but when he saw me smirk he looked confused.

"Stubborn ass!"

"Hey that's not very _nice _of you!" This little playful "fight" lightened the mood.

"What did I say? I'm not _nice_!" I smirked.

"Then why did you save me and give me food?"

Oh, sure, you had to go and ruin our little "moment".

"You really have the nerve to ask that!" I gave a glare, "I saw my parents die! You think I'd sit back and watch _you_ die?"

"……sorry……" he whispered, but I knew he meant it.

After the story of my bandana I couldn't help but wonder…… "Do you think I'm a sick freak?"

He turned to look at me, "Why would I think that!"

"Do you think it's weird that I wear a bandana full of my family's blood?"

"Mm………a little," at least he was honest, "but it's a reminder so it's not _that_ weird."

"It……it's just that when I wear it, it feels as though we're together again," I looked toward the water, "_Most _of the scars are from the accident."

"Most?"

I didn't want to answer that so I just kept my eyes on the water.

I heard Yoh sigh, "My friend, Amidamaru………he gave me orange head-phones."

"Then Yoh," I got up and dusted off my skirt, "Next time I see you; I want to see those head-phones on your head! That is, if I see you again."

I started to walk away without waiting for a reply, "Ja ne!"

I was half way home and I couldn't help but feel as though I forgot something. Oh! My father's clothes! I stopped and debated on whether I should go back or not, _'Nah, I'm already almost home. Besides it gives me another chance to see Yoh.' _ I smirked and continued my way home.

"Hello, Anna!" Makoto said; it seemed she was working behind the desk today.

"Hello, Mako," 'Mako' was my nick-name for her.

"Mrs. Hino said she wanted to see you," Mako smiled, "She's in her room."

I nodded in acknowledgment and walked over to Mrs. Hino's room.

"You wanted to see me Mrs. Hino?"

"Oh! Anna-chan!" Mrs. Hino hugged me, "I was worried when I went to the hospital and you weren't there!"

"Oh, sorry about that…" I felt a little guilty, "…but you know I had to visit my family at the cemetery."

"Well it would be nice if you told someone! Dr. Faust and his wife seemed very upset!"

"Sorry."

Mrs. Hino sighed, "Anyway, that boy came to see you."

"'That boy'?" I asked.

"What's his name……Yom…no, that's not right……Y-Yow? Hm……y'know that friend of yours that you met at the docks…what was his name?"

I smiled, "Yoh?"

"Ah! That's right! He came to see you today but I told him you were out."

"Oh, don't worry, I met him on the way back from the cemetery," I smiled.

"Oh? So _that's _why you snuck out of the hospital! To meet that boy!" Mrs. Hino laughed and my eyes grew wide as I said, "What?"

"Don't deny it! You've got a _boyfriend_! Now why didn't you tell me?" Mrs. Hino was just so happy, but he wasn't my boyfriend, "What? Are you _embarrassed _to tell little ol' me? Afraid that I was right about you getting a boyfriend?"

"But Mrs. Hino, he's not my boyfriend!" In truth, I was _a little_ embarrassed at the fact that I knew what I was saying is right but knowing her she'd tease me about it.

"Really?" Mrs. Hino said unbelievably and lifted a brow.

"Really."

"Hm……then why would he come all this way to see you?"

I didn't want to tell her that I lend some of my clothes out to him so I lied, "I…I don't know."

"Well, so far I like _Yow_-kun."

"_Yoh_-kun." I corrected her.

"Right, Yoh-kun," she smiled, "He seems really nice and he makes you smile."

"Hm?" I hadn't noticed but this whole time we were talking about Yoh I was smiling, not smirking, "I suppose you're right……"

"So you two _aren't _together?"

I shook my head.

Mrs. Hino sighed, "Well then stay friends and maybe your feelings will change and you'll fall in love."

I smiled; Mrs. Hino really wanted what was best for me, but I couldn't let myself fall in love. Besides, I doubt he'd start falling for a "Nosy, Misery Chick" like me.

"Wouldn't that be nice?" I had a feeling that she was remembering when she met her husband, "Besides, he's pretty cute, don't you think?"

I smirked, "Mrs. Hino, I'm sorry, but I think you're too old for him."

"Oh, Anna-chan! Not for me, for you!" She placed her hands on her hips.

Talking to Mrs. Hino like this really made me happy. It made me feel like I was talking with my mom. At this point in my life all I have is Mrs. Hino as family and she only has me. It was really nice just to talk.

Mrs. Hino sighed, "Well, Anna-chan it's getting late, would you like to stay for dinner?"

By that she meant "would you like me to cook you dinner?" I usually just cook for myself but I enjoy those times where she cooked for me and we ate together, "Sure."

Mrs. Hino smiled as she got up to get food, "Thank you……Mrs. Hino…"

"For?"

"For talking with me."

"Oh? That's nothing! People don't get thanked for talking!" Mrs. Hino smiled at me, "You can talk to me anytime you want to, k?"

I nodded, _'Even though we weren't talking about my past or her past it still helped to talk………Talking helps……'_

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**Yea I know……that was a weird way to end this chapter. I really just put in that last part in for humorous reasons ((and I hoped it worked)), but it seemed to go on. After the whole "boyfriend" part, I just wanted to show the actual closeness of Anna and Mrs. Hino. I wanted Mrs. Hino to look like the "mother figure" to Anna and I hope that this proved it. So……anyway tell me what you think and I will update soon! Until next time**

**Ja ne! **


	7. Lost in My Memories

**I'm baaaaaaaackk! I know, "OH NO!" right? Hehe, well anyway I'm happy to see that you are still reading! Oh, and I have a WARNING this has a flashback in it and you might find it disturbing, so if you'd like, just skip it. Enjoy!**

_Just plain Italics equal Flashback!_

Chapter 7:

"Lost in My Memories"

I got up I prepared to go to the cemetery. It had been a couple of days since I last seen Yoh. Hopefully he had listened to what I had said to him last time.

I had gone to the flower shop earlier but I came back to get my sweater. It was a little chilly outside and I knew that Mrs. Hino would get mad at the fact that I didn't bring a sweater in this weather. Somehow this gloomy weather made my condition worse.

I entered my room and put the flowers down. Then I looked for my sweater…suddenly I couldn't breathe. It wasn't as bad as the others……this was a mild attack, but still……

I fell to the floor gasping for air. It hurt so bad……I clutched my shirt just about where my heart is, hoping it would go away. I couldn't breathe, but I felt like I was going to throw up.

Finally I got some air, but as soon as I got air I started to cough. I started to breathe heavily as it still hurt. If I didn't get to my medicine quick, this mild attack could turn dangerous.

Then I heard a knock on the door.

The first person that came to my mind was Mrs. Hino checking up on me, _'Perfect.'_ "Oh……Mrs. Hino…is…that…you? I need—"

"No, it's Yoh."

My eyes widened, _'Yoh?' _Why did he have to come now? I can't let him know…I have to act normal… "Oh, Yoh………Come in."

I should have known that acting normal was impossible when I was coughing my lungs out, but I still tried it anyway.

Yoh quickly opened the door, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," an obvious lie, "I just……...need a drink………" I walked over to the sink and hopefully he didn't notice me taking medicine and then I got a drink of water.

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"Of course," once again I lied as my breathing finally got to normal, "Just needed some water………"

"But your breathing—"

"I'm fine," I didn't let him finish; I didn't want him to know, "You know how you get after you cough for a while, you lack air. Besides, this gloomy weather makes me sick," I turned to look at him and I noticed what was on his head, "Oh, you're wearing your head-phones! Good Boy!" I walked over to him and playfully patted his head.

"Don't do that!" He growled as he held his head.

I couldn't help but smirk, "So what brings you here?"

"You forgot your clothes," he handed them to me and I felt somewhat disappointed, but I don't know why.

"Is that all?"

I thought he was going to say "yes" and then leave, but he didn't, instead he said, "I……I want to know, did you have anyone to talk to when your parents died?"

"No," I sat down on my couch, "And that's my problem. I almost killed myself; no one was there to save me. So why not? But I met Mrs. Hino, and she gave me a home. She caught me once; she saw me cutting and yelled at me……" And then I remembered it. I didn't tell Yoh in detail, but I remember the details as I shorted it up for him.

_I was sitting in my room………I was 13……it had been 5 years since my family's death. Why? Why haven't I died yet? Damn Doctors, Damn hospital, Damn life! _

_I raised the razor that I got from the bathroom. I slowly pressed it against my skin leaving a trail of blood._

"_THIS is what my family felt!" I cut once again._

"_THIS is what hurt Papa!" I cut once again._

"_THIS is what made Mama cry!" Once again._

"_THIS is what killed Brother!" and again._

"_THIS is what they went through!" Again._

"_THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED NINE TIMES!" I went mad and started to cry. _

_That's when Mrs. Hino burst in, "Anna-chan!" she said horrified at the sight of me covered in blood._

"_What are you doing?" she ran over to me._

_I glared at her and raised the razor covered with blood. _

"_Anna-chan………" Her eyes were wide, "Why?"_

_I turned away, "Why not?"_

"_Why not? WHY NOT! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS? IS THIS _FUN! _DO YOU GET _PLEASURE _OUT OF DOING THIS TO YOURSELF?"_

"_I at least get some feeling……"_

"_Why…Anna-chan………Why?" Mrs. Hino got on her knees and started to cry, "…Why…?"_

"_To make death closer, 5 years ago I was supposed to die! Maybe I'm supposed to be dead, maybe I am!" I raised the razor ready to do it again………one last time……_

"_Why are you talking like this? Do you think it's funny? Do you think life's a game?" Mrs. Hino looked at me with the saddest eyes and I stopped._

"_What would your mother think Anna? Did she want you to die? Did you father raise you to believe that? Did you brother want you to?"_

_I didn't answer as my eyes swelled with new tears._

"_Did they Anna? Did they raise you to believe that you were meant to die and that's it?"_

_I didn't answer as I tried to hold back the tears._

"_DID THEY ANNA?"_

"_NO!" I cried and the tears went out and I couldn't hold them back._

"_THEN WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?" _

"_I want to see them again!"_

"_They don't want to see you………not like this……Would they Anna?"_

"_No………" I cried._

"_Please Anna………don't……don't do this anymore……" Mrs. Hino begged, "…Please Anna?"_

_I didn't answer and I just cried._

"_Promise me Anna, don't do this………I don't want you to die………"_

"_But……but……" I cried, "Do you even know how it feels to lose your family?"_

"_Yes………I lost my husband……remember? He was the man I loved most………now I'm just like you………you're all I got Anna! Please promise me you won't die! Please……" she begged and I felt bad._

_REAL bad._

"_I…………I promise," I cried, "And I'll do it because you're so kind…………and 'cause you're all I got now………"_

"_Thank you………Anna-chan………"_

"She practically broke down and begged me to never do it again. In return for her kindness, I promised not to."

Yoh sat next to me, "Do you want to talk to me?"

"I don't know. We are perfect strangers aren't we?"

"Well, you _did _give me mouth to mouth," Yoh smiled at me.

It feels like he is finally opening up to me……that he actually wants help……but just to make sure…… "Only if you promise that when you're ready, you'll tell me about your friend."

"Um, maybe," he looked away.

"No 'maybe,' this is yes, or no."

Yoh moaned, "………yes………"

"Ok, but didn't I already tell you most of it?"

"Everything but how they died."

I sighed, "The hardest part……… I was about 8 years old, it was my birthday. My brother was about 10, and my parents were still young……… We were at a restaurant and I had just opened my presents, and one gift was of a white bandana. We started to walk home and………" Once again it seemed as though I was lost in my memories……

"_Wow! A white bandana!" I said as I opened my gift._

"_You'd better take good care of it Anna-chan," my Papa said, "It's white so it'll get dirty or stained easily."_

"_Don't worry Papa," I smiled, "I'll take good care of it."_

_My Mama smiled, "That's your favorite color, right?" _

"_Uh-huh!" I smiled and hugged my parents, "Thank you Mama, Papa!"_

"_Whadda 'bout me, huh?" my brother, Touya, pouted, "I don't get anyway thanks?"_

"_Did _you_ buy it?" I asked._

"_N-no," Touya put his hands on his hips, "But I picked it out!"_

_I looked at him unbelievingly and then at my parents, "Is that true?"_

"_Yes," Mama smiled._

"_Then thank you."_

_He stuck out his tongue, "I can't believe you didn't believe me."_

"_Why should I? You always try to take credit for something you didn't do!"_

"_I do not!"_

"_You do too!"_

"_Do not!"_

"_Do too!"_

"_Alright, settle down kids," Papa said, "Let's start to head home."_

_Touya and I glared at each other as if we were saying, 'This argument is not over!'_

_We gathered our things and made our way out. When we were outside we noticed it had started to rain._

"_Perhaps we shouldn't have walked," Mama said._

"_It's okay we can't undo what's already done, can we?" Papa smiled at Mama, "Let's just walk under the canopy."_

_Our home wasn't that far from the restaurant we were eating at and that's why we walked. We continued our walk under the canopies and once in a while getting wet. I was playing with my new bandana while Touya tried to get me wet by jumping in the puddles, and soon I did the same. _

"_Okay, cut it out you two." Papa scolded._

"_You'll catch a cold," Mama's voice showed concern, "Anna we don't need your condition to get worse."_

_I sadly looked down today it felt like I had totally forgotten about it, until now. But instead of jumping in the puddles Touya and I made a new game of jumping _over _the puddles._

_We were laughing and playing happily until………a dark figure decided to show up………_

"I'm sorry Anna I shouldn't have asked you," Yoh interrupted my thoughts.

"From then on is a little fuzzy," I continued anyway, "I remember a man with a knife and then a white room."

"You mean the hospital?"

"Yes………the hospital," I repeated slowly, I hated that word, "I'm sorry it was 8 years ago and I can't remember that much……but……I remember my parents being stabbed, both 9 times in different places. The man stabbed me in the left arm and legs. The man was going to stab me again, but my brother pushed me and I hit my head."

The horrifying sight played out in front of me again. I hated that scene and it usually played out in my nightmares. I had tried to forget what happened but I knew my memory of it would never go away……

"_MAMA, PAPA!" I yelled as they fell to the floor._

_I was bleeding and crying as the man told me to shut up and stabbed my brother. How could I shut up? My family was in a world of pain! How was I to just sit back and be quiet?_

"_This'll shut you up!" The man said pointing the knife at me, I didn't even try to move. I knew that it was all over for me. At least I'd go with my family………_

"_Anna! What are you doing! MOVE!" Touya out of nowhere pushed me out of the way and took the blow that was supposed to be mine._

"_Touya……why……?" Then everything went black………_

"I don't know why the man attacked us," I continued to tell Yoh, "Maybe my family did something to him mad, or maybe he was just plain crazy and out for blood. He may have even wanted our money but we refused. I don't know nor do I want to remember. But I think that's how it happened."

We were both silent after a while and then Yoh spoke, "Yesterday you said you were the one who was supposed to die, what does that mean?"

I couldn't let him know about my condition so I told him another reason that I have also thought about, "Well, even when I was little I thought die dying, and I've always wanted to die before any of my family, pretty selfish, huh?"

Yoh shook his head, "No I think it's pretty noble."

"Heh," I smirked, "You don't know the reason that's why."

"Well, what's the reason?"

"I wanted to die before them so that I wouldn't go through the pain of losing them," which was true. When I found out that I was predicted to die before everyone else I tried to think of the Brightside; I wouldn't have to go through the pain of losing them, "But instead they all went before me, at the same time. I guess that's what happens when you're the littlest."

Yoh sighed, "Yea."

"Do you have a sibling?"

"Yea, a twin brother."

"An identical twin?" I was curious, why didn't he just talk to his brother?

"I guess you can say that," Yoh said in thought, "The only thing different is his hair. It's longer than yours."

'_Longer than mine?' _I tired to imagine what Yoh would look like with long hair……but for some reason I couldn't imagine it……….anyway, "What don't you talk to him?"

"I don't really see him much. He's always running off."

"But he's your brother," I said sadly, I wish I could still talk to my brother, "You shouldn't just let him run off. Sheesh! He's your brother the least you could do is talk!"

"Well, usually when I'm a mood like this, we don't talk."

"That's usually the best time to talk."

"He knows I'm a real demon when I'm like this."

"You sure are," I smirked.

"What! Are you on my side or not?" It was fun to tease him.

I smiled at the scowling boy in front of me, "Would you rather talk to him or me?"

Yoh turned away, "………you………" was he blushing?

I was shocked, that wasn't the answer I was expecting. I thought he didn't like me? Did he really hate his brother that much or did he finally trust me? "Why? He's your brother!"

"Because you understand me more," He still didn't look at me, "My brother's nothing like me. We maybe identical, but we aren't identical inside."

"Nobody's identical inside."

"We're almost," he mumbled, "You lost you're family, I lost he one I _considered _family."

I don't know why but I put my head on Yoh's shoulder, it made me feel comfortable and warm, "But you've got so much to live for. You may not want to now, but you can make plenty of friends." This was true when he wasn't sad or mad, I bet he is a great person. I lifted my head to look at him, "If you don't act of stubbornly!"

Yoh stuck his tongue out at me and I thought that he was going to say "bite me".

I smirked, little fights like this were fun, like the ones I had with my brother. This was a sign that he was capable to have friends, "See?"

I don't know why, but I did it again. I put my head on his shoulder. I knew he was probably thinking 'Why is she doing this?' so I made up an excuse, "Sorry, I'm tired."

"No………it's alright," even though I couldn't see his face I sensed a smile in his voice, which made me smile.

I felt so comfortable in that position that I didn't move until I caught a glance at the time. It was getting late and if I didn't leave soon I wouldn't be able to go.

I reluctantly lifted my head and grabbed my sweater, "I'm sorry, but I gotta get going."

"Where?" Yoh stood up.

"The cemetery," I said grabbing the flowers, "I go there everyday."

"Do you always go at the same time?"

"No, it varies," I walked to the door only to see he wasn't moving, "Hurry, I want to get there before it rains. Remember? This weather makes me sick."

Then Yoh started to follow me out the door. Soon we were downstairs where Mrs. Hino was.

"Oh, where are you two going?" Mrs. Hino asked and winked at us, "On a date?"

I smiled at the hopeful Mrs. Hino, "No, I'm on my way to the cemetery."

"And I'm going home," Yoh pointed to himself.

Mrs. Hino looked disappointed and before she could say anything embarrassing I kept walking, "Bye Mrs. Hino, Bye Yoh."

Yoh waved and Mrs. Hino said, "Bye Anna-chan." Then Mrs. Hino started to talk to Yoh. I was curious to know what she was saying, but I was afraid it would be embarrassing, so I kept walking.

As I was walking, I thought back from when I put my head on his shoulder. At the time I really didn't know why I did that, but know that I think about it……He was the first person I actually talked to about my family's death. And for some reason……I felt relieved. Knowing that he actually cared, that he actually wanted to know, knowing that he actually listened, made me feel relieved.

Holding in all those secrets inside and never letting out made my heart feel heavy. But finally telling someone about it lifted the weight. I wasn't alone anymore. And thinking about this made me smile, without even realizing it. It wasn't a smile with just a hint of sadness, it was a real smile.

I felt comfortable around Yoh now. I thought that I was just going to help him, but somehow it turned around……he was helping me, whether he realized it or not. I walked to the cemetery with a smile on my face. Maybe I will not longer be lost in my sad memories………

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**WOW! THAT WAS LONG! I'm sorry! According to my computer this chapter was 10 pages long! I'm sorry. Maybe next time it won't be so long! Anyway……this was based off of chapter 3 of THCOL and both chapters ended with a smile! YAY! Well, tell me what 'ya think and I'll update soon! Until Next time**

**Ja ne**


	8. Weird Wonderings

'**Ello everyone! How are you? Good, hopefully! Well, here's the next chapter...and this is the chapter that has "weird wonderings" in it……so I'm just warning you now, this chapter's weird. Also, for those of you that read THCOL I added in a little part that takes over the part where Mrs. Hino and Hao are talking. And I guess I'm getting better because I received cookies for doing a good job from KaIKaI01!! YaY!!! Thank you!!! Enjoy!**

Chapter 8:

"Weird Wonderings"

I was working the early shift and once again the Funbari Inn wasn't getting very many costumers. No matter how many times Mrs. Hino said it was okay for me to wear my bandana on my head, I just couldn't when I was working. I didn't want to be treated differently so I just wore it around my waist.

"Anna-chan," Mrs. Hino called, "Don't worry, I have a feeling that today won't be so productive so you can have the day off."

"Oh, its okay Mrs. Hino, I don't mind."

"No, I insist," Mrs. Hino was already in her uniform and she had a newspaper.

"But, Mrs. Hino, I need to work it off!"

"What are you talking about?" She was pushing me out of the desk.

"Mrs. Hino, I stay here for free! That's not right! I have to pay you back!"

"Nonsense, you're like a daughter to me," Mrs. Hino opened up the newspaper and then smiled at me, "Besides, think of how disappointed your Yoh-kun will be when he stops by and you're working?"

I paused and my eyes widened, _'My Yoh-kun?!' _"Mrs. Hino! We're _not _together!"

"Aw, still?"

"Yes, still." It couldn't be more than that, besides, I'm not even sure if he likes me.

"But I bet he's still gonna come over!" Mrs. Hino winked.

"How could you be so sure?"

"Believe me, Anna, if he's your friend, he'll come," Mrs. Hino smile, "Now go on and enjoy the rest of the day!"

I nodded and walked back to my room. I was glad that Mrs. Hino saw me as a daughter, but I still didn't want to be treated differently. But maybe she was right. Maybe I did need a day off.

Well, it looked like I got all dressed up for work for nothing. I sighed, my hair was still a little wet, so I couldn't wear my bandana just yet. Hm……Maybe I'll just go dry my hair since I'm not working.

I was just about to change and get the blow drier when I heard a knock on the door, "Anna? It's me Yoh."

This made me smile, Mrs. Hino was right, "Come in."

I think he was a little shocked to see me in something light blue instead of black, but he didn't say anything about it.

"So what is it this time?" I asked crossing my arms, "I'm pretty sure you gave me my clothes back, unless you took them with you on your way out last time."

"WHAT??!!!?!!!" a yell came from the other side of the door. The first person that came to my mind was: Horo Horo.

"What was that?" Yoh was about to open the door.

"Don't bother, it was probably my neighbor, he's always yelling." Though it was strange, it didn't really sound like Horo……and if it was Horo, he'd still be yelling. I shrugged it off, he's the only person I know who would yell that loud. Then I heard whispers out side of the door. Maybe Pirika finally got Horo to whisper?

"Where's your bandana?" he looked at me.

I pointed to my waist, "Here. This is my work outfit. We aren't allowed to wear bandanas so I wear it as a sash."

"Oh, so you work here?"

I nodded, but I was more curious as to why he was here, "So what are you here for?"

"I dunno," he shrugged, "I just wanted to see you……My brother came to see how I was doing and he acted like I was crazy. I needed to get away."

"So you run here?" Not that I mind, but I wondered why.

"Well, I," Yoh put his head down, "Dammit! Now I feel like him, running away when things get tough!"

I could tell that he really wanted to get away, "It's ok if you come here. It's just weird, I never thought you'd come here for no reason."

"Well, I did promise to talk to you," he gave a slight smile.

"That you did," I sat on the couch, "Are you ready to talk?"

"Not about his death, not yet."

"What about then?" I patted the seat next to me, signaling him to sit down.

"What do you think about life?" He sat down with me, "Hao says that life is nothing but a competition. Survival of the fittest, some people quit when they can't take it."

"That's a way of thinking about it," I nodded, "The people who die early have already won."

"Well, he didn't say that," Yoh half-smiled, "but that could be possible."

"What do you think?"

"I used to think that it was a game. I used to think that our creator was just playing with us. That we were just his experiments."

"Our creator isn't that cruel," I smiled reassuringly at him, "When I was little I used to think that each life was a book, and whoever created us, was just reading us. Each day was a page."

Yoh smiled, "What do you think life is now?"

"Exactly what it is," I said rather plainly, "Life is about loving and dying, but we add so much drama to it."

"What do you think about death?"

"Death is," I took a breath, "The High Cost of Living."

Yoh stayed quiet for a bit soaking up what I just said. He seemed to understand and posed another question, "Do you think there is a perfect world?" He leaned his head back onto the couch.

"Yes, this world is pretty close, don't you think?" I gave a slight smile toward him.

"What?!" He lifted his head and looked at me in complete shock, "This world id FAR from close!"

"Well, if you think about it, there is death and hatred and all this drama," I leaned my head back, "But isn't that what makes life fun? All you have to do is take away the murderers."

"Say what you want, but I still think this world is far from being perfect," he leaned his head back once again.

"Perhaps," I shrugged, "The only perfect world is heaven."

"If there is one."

"There has to be," I said in a far way voice, "There _has to_ be a perfect world out there." I was reminded of my family, they _had to _be somewhere. They couldn't have just died and ended up nowhere.

"You never know," Yoh shrugged. I wonder where he thinks his friend is right now.

"Maybe," I winced, "We're the ones that are dead." I know that that sounds stupid, but what if we were in purgatory right now and we didn't even know it?

"Then what happens when we die?" Yoh asked confusedly.

I don't feel like explaining it so I said, "I don't know." I lifted my head, "I'm just wondering. Do you think your brother is worried?"

"No, why would he?" Yoh spat out and crossed his arms.

"Maybe it's because nothing like this has happened before, or has it?"

"How do you do that?" Yoh lifted his head from the couch.

"Do what?"

"That thing you do!"

"Yoh, what are you talking about?" I lifted an eyebrow.

"You know exactly what to say!" He sounded a little angry, "When my brother and I fought, he said almost the same thing! He said, 'One of our friends has never died before!' Which is kinda the same!"

I shrugged, "I don't know, but maybe your brother is worried, you should go back."

He looked away, "You're just trying to kick me out."

"Well, kinda," I smiled while he was confused; "I need to go to the cemetery."

"I'm just curious," Yoh looked at his hands, "If I died, would you visit me?"

I lifted an eyebrow and crossed my arms, "Oh, you need to die so I can visit you?"

"No," he gave a slight laugh, "I just wanted to know, if for some reason I died, would anyone be there?"

"There is a saying that you can tell a person's worth by how many people there were at their funeral."

Yoh sadly looked down, "I guess I won't be worth that much."

"Not true. Whoever said that was wrong. It's not the people that represent the worth, it's the tears. I say that you can tell a person's worth by the tears that were shed when they die. And let me tell you Yoh, you're worth a lot. You may not now it, but your family cares. And, yes, I would visit your grave, when you die an old man, if you still wish to know me."

"Of course I will!" Yoh suddenly took my hands in his, "You're the only friend I got right now!"

"Yoh," I said softly, _'Don't do this. We can't be too close……' _I took my hands out of his and looked away, "You'll find other friends………"

"I don't want another friend! I want you!" My eyes widened.

I was utterly confused. I was just supposed to be someone to make him feel better about himself, "I thought you didn't like me!"

"Only because I thought you were teasing me!"

I looked at his face, as much as I wanted to……..I shouldn't……it would hurt him even more if I died. But right now, looking at his face, it felt as though it didn't matter. I didn't want it to matter, maybe if I become his friend, it would help him more. But I have to be just his friend……nothing more, "Alright, I'll be your friend."

"Just my friend?"

I lifted an eyebrow and pretended I didn't hear it, even if I wanted to be more……I couldn't let myself, "What?"

"Nothing," he got up and smiled, "Well you better get to that cemetery."

"Be nice to your brother," I got up, "You better not kill each other."

"Tell that to him!" Yoh smiled as he reached the door, "Bye!"

I waved, "Bye!"

Well, my hair is dried now, so I better get dressed and put my bandana on. While I was doing that, I caught myself with a smile on my face; something I don't do often. Yoh made me smile, and I liked it. I was growing very fond of Yoh, and that got me scared. I couldn't to get too close, no matter how much I wanted to.

I was done getting dressed and started to put on my bandana. I was too confused about Yoh. I had never felt this way towards someone before……he made me………extremely happy. Which wasn't normal for me, maybe I'll talk to Mrs. Hino about it. With that I finished putting on my bandana.

Before I even had time to grab my coat a boy burst in my room shouting:

"What's your game? What are you doing alone in this room with Yoh?!!"

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**Yea, sorry, a cliffhanger, but I'll update soon if you review! I hope you liked that chapter!! As weird as it may sound……I don't really have anything to say, but thanks for those who like my story!!! Until Next time**

**Ja ne **


	9. Arguments and Love

**Okay! I am back!! I hope I didn't make you wait too long! And I hope that this chapter is to your liking. Enjoy!**

Chapter 9:

"Arguments and Love"

"What's your game? What are you doing alone in this room with Yoh??!!"

I turned to examine this intruder. He had dark eyes and long hair, and his face resembled Yoh's, "Oh, you must be Hao. You do know that it's rude to barge into a lady's room, right?"

"Cut the crap." I was shocked for a second then mad.

'_He barged into my room and then he has the nerve to say that?' _"You cut the crap. How do you know where I live?"

"Well how did you know who I was?" I was getting pretty tired of his attitude.

"Yoh told me what you looked like," I simply said, trying to keep my cool, "Besides you look alike. Now answer my question."

Hao didn't answer me and glared. I was _really _getting tired of this. Now that I think about it……he probably follow Yoh here to see what Yoh was doing. I was right when I said that Hao cares, but now I don't blame Yoh for not wanting to talk to Hao……it seems he has an attitude,

"Ah," I said, "You followed Yoh here. You were the voice on the other side of the door yelling 'what'." That's why it didn't sound like Horo Horo.

Hao stayed silent again and glared. Okay this was pissing me off.

"Look, I'm getting tired of you staying silent," I moved closer to Hao, "You cam here. So that means you have something to say so go ahead and say it!"

**::SMACK!!!!::**

I could tell that take was a hard slap, but I didn't care, he deserved it. How dare he barge into my room and give me that look, "If you're not going to say something than I should be the one to ask: What's your game?"

Hao was still glaring at me as he lifted his hand to his burning check, "The first thing I asked is the only reason I came in here."

"I'm talking to Yoh, that's all," I said simply.

"That's bull. I told you to cut the crap," he wouldn't stop glaring at me, "What was he doing with your clothes?"

"They weren't literally _my _clothes, they were my father's," he still glared.

"That's not the point!" he got closer to me, "Tell me what he was doing with your clothes! What was he doing here?!"

"Get any closer and I'll slap the other cheek," I said forcefully as I glared.

Hao backed up a bit, but still glared.

"I saved him," I started to explain, and hopefully he'll get it, "He was at the docks and he fell in the water. I saved him and brought him here. I gave him my father's clothes while I dried his. From then on I've been the one he comes to for help."

"Why would he come to someone who knows nothing about him?" There was a hint of jealousy in his voice, "Besides, you don't look like the kind of person who would do such a thing."

"I understand what he's going through," I backed further away from Hao and leaned my back against the wall while looking downwards, "Yes, I may not be nice, but I'm not evil. I do whatever I think is right whether it's nice or not."

"How do you understand what he is going through?!" Now it was obvious that he was jealous.

"I've lost people _very _close to me," I grabbed my jacket that was hanging on the wall, "And because of that I have to go to the cemetery. And if you don't believe me go ahead and ask your brother, try and talk."

Finally Hao stopped the glare for a moment and then pouted as he turned around to reach the door. Suddenly I felt the familiar sting in my chest and fell to the floor, _'Why do I always have to get an attack in front of people???' _

Hao turned and ran to me, "W-what happened?"

Heh. I guess he's not as bad as I thought. For a second there I thought he was just going to leave me like this. But I couldn't let him know either, he'd go and tell Yoh if he found out, "It…it's…not…nothing…it's…just…this…weather…makes…me…sick……"

"Are you sure?!" Hao asked somewhat non-believingly, "Are you sure you should be going out when it's like this?"

"I…always…go…nothing…will…ever…stop…me…!" I managed to say while getting up. Luckily this was only a mild attack and my medicine should ease the pain. I went over to the sink and hopefully Hao didn't catch me taking my medicine. I took a drink of the cold water, _'There, better.' _I turned to face Hao, "Now if you'll kindly leave. I want to make it to the cemetery before it rains."

Hao didn't move, I think it was because he was unsure if I was okay or not. To prove that I was okay I walked out the door, slowly he followed. It was quiet until we reached Mrs. Hino's desk.

"Did he give you any trouble?" Mrs. Hino gave a little glare to Hao.

"A little," I gave a small smile and Hao glared at me; his cheek was still red from my powerful slap.

We walked out and then Hao asked, "Are you telling the truth?"

"Of course I am!" He still didn't believe me?

"I'll talk to Yoh," Hao then pointed a finger to me, "I better find that your stories are the same!"

"You will!" I walked toward the cemetery while walked off in a different direction. I didn't look back, but I don't think that he's following me.

I went to the flower shop and bought flowers for my family. I wonder where Yoh's friend is buried? Maybe he's somewhere in this cemetery too?

I went to my family's graves and I couldn't help but think of Yoh. I couldn't stop thinking about him. I didn't know why, or better yet, I didn't want to know why. I was afraid to get too close……but its already too late. His words remained in my head:

"_I want you!"_

It made me feel warm inside. I couldn't help but feel important; to feel wanted. I didn't mean to, but I think I was falling for him. This can't be!! It can't!!! I was a dying girl, I shouldn't fall in love. I told myself I wouldn't but……I couldn't help it.

I shook me head, _'Don't be stupid! You don't even know what love is!' _My head yelled at me……but I wanted to know, some part of me wanted to know what it was like. Some part of me was hoping……hoping that this, what I'm feeling now, was………love……

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**Wow…..this was short….but how was it?? I really do hope that that was good. I personally liked the ending, but I wrote it so of course I like it. What about you? Did you like it? Please review and tell me!! Don't worry I'll update soon. Until Next time**

**Ja ne **


	10. Cemetery: Amidamaru's Death

**So here's the next chapter!! I hope you are happy with my story so far!! I really just want you to: Enjoy!**

Chapter 10:

"Cemetery: Amidamaru's Death"

I woke up and looked at my clock, "10:00? Wow, I slept in." Well, at least for me that was sleeping in. Usually I would awake from Horo and Pirika's fighting, but there was none. Have they finally stopped?

I gathered my things and headed for the bathroom. I think I'll go to the cemetery early today, that way if Yoh stops by, I won't have to kick him out. I stopped in my tracks.

Yoh.

I was thinking about him a lot. I didn't even realize how much I was thinking about him until now. Last night I was trying to determine what I was feelings toward him. I don't know what love is, but this might be it.

I finally reached the bathroom and I got a weird feeling in my stomach just thinking about love. I was so confused…my head was telling me, _'No, this isn't love, you're just fooling yourself.' _While my heart was saying, _'Yes, this is love.' _

I entered the shower and turned the water on. I shook my head, maybe I'm just thinking too much. Maybe I was in love and my head just wants me to be cautious, or I wasn't in love and my heart was just hoping. If I was in love, I'd have to tell him……I'd have to say that I was on the verge of dying and we shouldn't see each other anymore…but if I wasn't in love, I wouldn't have to tell him and we can just keep on pretending that nothing was wrong.

No. That was wrong. He'd be heartbroken if I didn't tell him. Then again, if we weren't in love, it wouldn't hurt him so much. Today. If I see him today, I'll try to figure out if I'm in love or not. If I am, I'll tell him……if I'm not……I don't know what I'll do. I guess just act like normal. He probably doesn't even love me anyway.

I'm just someone to help ease his pain…someone he can relate to. But sometimes…I have to stop and think, am I helping him, or is he helping me? Without him, I would have never experienced what I'm feeling now. Even as a child, I had a calm and somewhat cold personality……but now, I smile. Without even realizing it, I smile; just thinking about him is making me smile right now!

Yoh Asakura, what have you done to me?

I got out of the shower, I had a day off and I finally got the chance to blow-dry my hair. Once I was done with that, I grabbed my jacket and headed out to the cemetery.

"Where are you going, Anna-chan?" Mrs. Hino smiled, "The cemetery?"

"Yes," I said, "That way I have more time later."

"To talk to Yoh-kun?" She smiled.

I couldn't help but smile; it was the truth, so I answered, "Yes."

"You keep denying it, Anna-chan, but I think you two might like each other," Mrs. Hino smiled.

I smiled, "Maybe."

"Probably," she smiled, "Now you should go before Yoh-kun gets here!"

"Ja ne," I said as I turned to leave. I opened the door and got ready to go to the flower shop.

"Anna!!!!" I looked up to see Yoh running up to me.

"Hey, Yoh," I smiled, "I'm just on my way to the cemetery—"

"Could I go with you?"

"What?" He wanted to go with me? I never let anyone go with me.

"Please," Yoh had the saddest eyes, "After we visit your parents, will you help me get courage to visit Amidamaru's grave?"

After looking at his sad eyes I asked, "Are you ready?" Hmph……to actually let if him go…..I must be getting soft.

"Yes," he said rather slowly and without moving.

"Then let's go!" I turned my tone to more demanding, "I want to go before it rains!!!!"

I smiled while he looked a bit confused, "You always say that, and it has rained yet."

"Good!"

"You don't like the rain?" He turned to me.

"No, I love the rain!" I gave a sad smile, "It's just that Mrs. Hino won't let me go out to the cemetery when it rains, I have to go before it does. See, the murder happened when it was raining, and she's afraid it would bring back my horrible memories." All that was true, but I left out the part about my health.

Yoh nodded, letting me know that he understood as we came to a stop at the flower shop, "I hope you don't mind. You should probably get Amidamaru flowers too."

Yoh followed me into the shop, "But I don't know what kind of flower he likes!"

"So?" I picked up the bouquet that I usually get for my family, "Get him a variety bouquet. See, my mom likes lilies and my dad and brother don't really care for flowers so I get them a variety."

"What kinds of flowers do you like, Anna?" He asked me while picking up a bouquet that had a dark variety of flowers.

"White roses," I said while I paid for my bouquet.

"Not red?" After I paid, he did too.

"Nope, white," I stopped and smiled as I saw a bouquet of them, "See, my parents bought me a white bandana because white and black were my favorite colors. But you see, white never just stays white."

"Really? White and black are your favorite colors?"

"Yup," I started out the door, "Pretty boring, huh?"

"I don't think it's boring," Yoh smiled at me, "I just thought your favorite colors were black and red because you wear them everyday."

"Well, I _would _be wearing black and white everyday," I gave a sad smile, "But I like red too."

"Do you know what my favorite color is?" It sounded like he was challenging me.

"Let me guess," as I looked at him, only one color stood out, "Orange."

He smiled at me, "Correct, but how did you know when only one color I wear is red."

"That's why," I smiled, "Amidamaru gave you those orange head-phones, usually when someone close to you gets you something, they give you your favorite color."

Yoh smiled, but as we continued to walk his smile slowly faded into a sad one, "Will you leave me orange flowers?"

"Sure," I looked to him, "But why do you think you'll die first?"

"'Cause I'm older," he gave a somewhat goofy smile.

"How do you know? How old are you?" I already knew that he was older than me, but being older doesn't mean you'll die first.

"I'm 16, going on 17," he looked toward me, "You're 16, right?"

"Older ones don't always go first," I was supposed to die first in my family, so it wasn't just because you're young you live longer. Also, whenever I think about older ones dying first, it reminded me of my family.

"I'm sorry……" He must've realized that it made me remember them.

"You have a terrible memory."

"Tell me about it," he said sarcastically.

There was a question itching at the back of my mind……I just had to ask it, "Will……you……visit my grave?"

"Of course!" He gave me that genuine smile, and I knew he meant it.

Soon we reached the cemetery and I made my way to my family's graves. I carefully set the flowers down and closed my eyes to say a few words.

'_Hey, how are you guys?' _I'd always say something like that so it actually felt like I was talking to them. I also didn't want to take too long because I knew Yoh was there, and if I talked to long, my eyes might start to water……and I hate it when other people see me cry. So I said what I usually say but this time more to the point, _'I hope you guys are having fun and getting the life you deserve. I miss and love you with all my heart.'_

I opened my eyes and stared at the graves. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Yoh with his eyes closed. It made me happy to see that he at least attempted to talk to them. Soon he opened his eyes and I said, "I'll be buried next to my brother."

"But, um," he seemed to hesitate, "What if you get married?"

"Hm," I turned to look at him, "I never thought I would get married."

He must have heard it a different way because then he asked, "You don't want to?"

"No, I said I never _thought _I would."

"Why?" If only he knew……

"Who would want to marry the 'Misery Chick'?" I was called that sometimes by Horo.

"I……--" Yoh mumbled something that sounded like he was going to say _"I would" _but, no, I don't think he said that…did he?

"I know a few," he said rather quickly……maybe he didn't say it? "Besides, who calls you the 'Misery Chick'?"

"Some teens at the inn," I rolled my eyes, Horo and Ren namely, "Besides I never thought I'd live that long anyway."

"Why not?"

"……" I debated in my head whether to tell him or not, I opened my mouth to speak, but he cut me off.

"Right," Yoh looked sadly at me, "You used to cut. So did Amidamaru, he was suicidal."

I wasn't really all too shocked that he was suicidal……most kids are when they're this age. The thing that did surprise me was that he actually did cut, "Where's his grave?"

"Over here," Yoh started to walk away, but before I left, I kissed the names on the gravestones and then followed Yoh

Once there I looked at the gravestone, it had a blurry picture of a boy, "Is that Amidamaru's picture?"

"Yup, that's him," Yoh gave a sad smile.

"First say a prayer, or just talk to him."

"But what……" Yoh started to blink, "What would I say?"

"Anything," I shrugged, "Say, 'Hey, How are you?' or 'How's Heaven?' or whatever you guys talk about. You don't really hear them talking back, but deep down you know the answer and what they'll say next."

Yoh finally decided to close his eyes and I did too out of respect. I said a little prayer for him and for him to rest in peace.

"H-he," Yoh tried to choke out, "He committed suicide."

My eyes snapped open to see him crying, "What?"

He didn't look at me, he just slowly sat down and placed the flowers onto the ground, "After he died, I felt as though it was my fault."

"But it's not your fault," I sat down next to him; I didn't know that this was that bad, "He chose to do it."

"But I couldn't stop him," he cried more, "Like you, I was right there."

I felt so sad……It was like I was feeling his sadness, he went through almost the same thing I did. I wrapped my arms around him in an embrace, "Please, tell me what happened."

Yoh sniffed and wiped his tears away and nodded, "I-it all started when I was worried about Amidamaru……he had been more moody than ever. More and more cuts had appeared on his arms……and his parents had just left for the weekend……I knew something was up……"

I knew what was coming up; Yoh had closed his eyes……as sign that he was lost in his memories. I almost wanted to tell him to open his eyes so he wouldn't have to go through it again, but instead I hugged him tighter to let him know I was there.

"I went to his house and it was all dark, so I turned on the lights and there was his suicide note……it said something like how he was tried of this world……he even thanked me for being his friend……b-but if I was a good friend, why was he doing this?"

Now there's a question that everyone asks when their friend commits suicide……tears trickled down Yoh's cheek as he struggled to continue.

"I-I heard a noise coming from another room, like a chair falling, so I rushed over there. There he was………Amidamaru was hanging from a rope tied onto the fan. I grabbed his legs and pushed him up. I called his name and told him to stop, but he disagreed and told me that it had nothing to do with me. But it had everything to do with me!!! He had no idea how it would affect me!! He told me to find other friends just like you did, Anna, but I disagreed, I said the same as I did before 'I don't want others, I want you'.

"Amidamaru struggled and kicked my chin. I fell to the floor and was paralyzed from the blow. He must've hit something because it took me a while to get up……By the time I got my body to move," He opened his eyes and rubbed his chin, "It was already too late."

I looked at Yoh; tears were rapidly falling from his eyes. He closed his eyes; I know that this was hard for him. I never expected that Amidamaru's death was this horrible. His friend had chosen to die, and Yoh thought that it was all his fault, not to mention, Yoh saw it all happen. I pulled him closer to me and let him cry onto my chest. I stroked his hair, and all I could think to say is: "I'm sorry."

He cried for a little while and finally got up and wiped his eyes, "You remind me of him. You said the same things like 'You'll make other friends'."

I smirked, "And you gave the same stubborn answer: 'I don't want other friends!'" Yoh gave me a smile.

"But, Yoh," I looked at him rather sadly, "Please make other friends."

Yoh frowned, "You don't want to be my friend anymore?"

"Yoh," I smiled slightly, "Of course I'll stay your friend, it's just, it's not a crime to get more than one friend."

"What about you?"

"I like to think of the people at the inn as my friends."

"Even if they call you Misery Chick?"

"Even that," I smiled, "Friends make fun of each other a lot, right?" I patted his head to prove my statement.

"Anna!" Yoh broke out of my embrace and glared at me, "I told you I don't like that!"

I smiled at the face he was making, it was so………adorable……I don't know why…… it just seemed that way. Maybe……maybe I was in love……maybe, just maybe _we _were in love. Maybe I will tell him……just not here, "Let's go to the docks."

"Sure," Yoh smiled as I got up. I started to walk, and saw him slowly get up. He stared at the grave and a sad smile spread across his face. He stared at the grave for a while; I wonder what he's saying?

I gave a slight smile, but then I noticed it was getting late and we couldn't spend too much time here anymore so I started to walk away, "Yoh!"

Yoh hurriedly came to my side as I asked, "Will you come back with me tomorrow?"

"Of course," he smiled as we walked together to the docks.

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**How was that? I hope it was good. Please Review, I'm not feeling too happy right now and that will really cheer me up. I hope my mood hasn't affected my writing and I hope that this chapter was to your liking. I'll update soon if you review! Until Next Time**

**Ja ne **


	11. Is it Better to Know or Not to Know? I

**YAY! I'm back!! I hope you are happy because I am!! Well, Enjoy!**

Chapter 11:

"Is it Better to Know or Not to Know? Part I"

-or-

"Love Part I"

Yoh and I continued our walk to the docks, not saying much, but enjoying the comfortable silence that was with us. Then I reflected on whether I should tell him or not, I mean, is it better or know or not to know? Then I shook the thought from my mind. I didn't want to think about it now, because right at this moment, I was happy and calm just knowing that Yoh was beside me, hopefully he was feeling the same.

Finally we had reached the docks. I walked up to the docks and sat down. Seeing that Yoh stopped at the edge of the dock, I decided to say: "Come and join me."

Yoh's eyes widened, "No way!" He pointed to the docks, "Last time it broke and I fell in!"

"But last time I saved you," I took my sandals off and put my feet into the cold water, "So you don't need to be afraid."

Yoh smiled and I was glad he didn't try to argue. He sat next to me, took off his sandals, and put his feet in the water.

I started to swing my legs back and forth slowly in the water looking at my reflection in the ripples. While I was doing that I looked over at Yoh who was uncomfortably just wiggling his toes, probably afraid that if there was too much pressure, he'd fall in.

"Thank you, Anna," he said slowly, his eyes fixed on the water.

"For?" I was still looking at the ripples.

"Everything. For saving me, for talking to me, for listening………"

"For feeding you?" I smiled. He was actually thanking me, when it should be me thanking him.

"Yes," Yoh chuckled, but his eyes were still on the water.

"I should thank you," I smiled.

"For what?" He sounded confused.

"Everything. I haven't had this much fun in a while."

"Fun? You call this fun?" Yoh said a little non-believingly.

"Well, it's fun to see you get mad," I smiled, "I don't think I have _ever _smiled this much.Even when my family was alive, I wasn't too big on showing emotions, and I regret it."

"So……I make you smile?" he sounded a little happy.

"Isn't it obvious?" I turned towards him lifting a brow.

"Well at first, you only smirked," when he said this, I couldn't help but smirk. But Yoh wouldn't turn around to face me, and this made me a little sad. I had to think of a way for him to look at me……

"I'm serious," I smiled, and before I knew what I was doing, I kissed his cheek, "Thank you."

This made Yoh turn to look at me. He was blushing and his eyes were wide. His look made me embarrassed as I smiled and turn towards the water. I couldn't believe I just did that!

"W-what was that for?" Yoh blushed.

I sighed…... _'Why does he have to be this clueless?'_ I turned towards him, "For everything, remember?"

"B-but," I was nervous as to what he was going to say……but then my eyes widened when he said: "Y-you mi-missed!"

I lifted an eyebrow, _'Did I just hear that?' _"Well you wouldn't turn around."

"W-well, I'm turned around now," he smiled.

I smiled. I have never kissed anyone before, other than my family……I admit that I was nervous, but very glad. I closed my eyes as our lips touched. All those thoughts in my mind about not being in love slowly drifted away. Yoh made me happy, and when I wasn't with him, I thought about him. He was somehow always on my mind. We helped each other, and we made each other happy……Yes, this, what _we _were feeling now, was…love……

When we broke form the kiss, we both turned away. I smiled, but it wasn't my ordinary smile, it was something more……it felt somehow different.

I looked back at my feet to see an orange-ish color in the water, "Yoh, look!" I pointed, this could only be the doings of a beautiful sunset, "I love the sunset," I said softly.

I looked at the sunset, for a while I could sense Yoh starring at me. I slowly stood up and spread my arms out……just like Toshi did when he was pretending to be an airplane. I stood there letting the wind pass me.

In that moment, I felt happy, truly happy. "I love sunsets especially in weather like this……" I said slowly……this weather made the sky have a purple-ish tint to it. As I stood there, a thought came into my mind……is it better to know or not to know? I knew this thought would ruin this whole mood, but I decided that it was better to know. I closed my eyes tightly, "Yoh?"

"Yes?" I could sense a smile in his face.

This was going to be hard, but he had to know, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier, but my health isn't that great."

"You told me that. You said that this weather makes you sick."

"No," I felt bad for lying to him, "it's not the weather, it's……" I stopped as I felt another familiar sting of an attack.

'_No! This can't be happening!' _I tried to fight it, though I knew it was pointless. This attack felt worse than the ones from a few days ago. I couldn't breathe and my vision started to blur.

'_No……Yoh……' _My attack was too strong and I could hardly see. My balance got off and I fell into the water. I felt like crying……not because it hurts, but because I will probably die here……Yoh can't swim……he will have to watch another person die……soon everything was starting turning black. I couldn't breathe……and my whole body ached…..I'm sorry, Yoh…I think I could hear him call my name…I gave a smile, then everything went black……

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**dun Dun DUN……THIS IS NOT THE END!!!! Just a cliffhanger. Please stay tuned and review, I promise to update soon if you review! You'll find out what happened to Anna in the next chapter, I promise! Well, Until Next time**

**Ja ne **


	12. Is is Better to Know or Not to Know? II

**Ok, so I hope I didn't make you wait too long! I'm sorry for the other depressing chapter……this may be depressing too…so sorry……Also, the beginning is very weird, but I'll explain why later. Also, I have a feeling that this chapter will be very long, and perhaps very emotional. Enjoy!**

Chapter 12:

"Is it Better to Know or not to Know? Part II"

-or-

"Love: Part II"

_I was sitting in the middle of nowhere. Was I dead? Everything was black, there was only me. I guess my back was leaning against something. My scars from the accident were bleeding, but they didn't hurt. Where was I? My bandana wasn't on my head, and it was nowhere to be seen. Am I………in hell? If not, where was I?_

_I looked around and I was about to call Yoh……but then I stopped……Yoh? Why would he be in a place like this? I decided that I would call his name anyway to see if there was anyone here. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. Here I was in this black abyss of nothingness; all alone. _

_Maybe I was really dead? My eyes closed and I felt like crying. Yoh's probably mad at me for not telling him……he probably thinks that I was lying this whole time. Was this some type of purgatory? Was this hell? Tears welled up in my eyes as I hugged my knees and buried my face in them._

_Then I heard the worse noise ever to be heard: that man's evil laugh._

_By "that man" I meant the murderer._

"_Anna-_chan_," he spoke._

_The fact the he knew my name and dared to call me "chan" enraged me even further. I felt like yelling "GO AWAY!" but I found no voice in me. _

"_Last time I saw you," he grinned, "You were so small, sorry I didn't finish you off."_

_I glared, but deep down I felt scared. I tried to pretend that I was more angry than scared, but he was the man who haunted my dreams. He scared me and I don't think anything will ever change that._

_He stepped closer, "I should have tried to get you here," he pointed to my heart. "This is what's been giving you trouble all these years, isn't it? First, you thought you were going to live, and now you think you're in love. The heart is a troublesome thing. How about I finish you off right now like I did with your family, eh? They'd like that, wouldn't they? I mean think of your brother, he regrets now what he did to save you. He could've lived, but no, he risked his life for a sister that's was going to die anyway! C'mon, let me finish you off……what's a stab compared to this whole long heart process?"_

_I think at that moment I started to cry. I knew what he was saying wasn't true, was it? My whole mind started to doubt. Did my brother really hate me for that? No! What was I thinking? Why was what he told me getting to me?? He started to laugh, seeing my struggle and I think that made my cry more. I felt like a defenseless little girl and the more I struggled, the more he laughed. _

_I couldn't control my body and I started to shake in this difficult struggle. My thoughts all ran through my head at once and I was getting confused my head started to hurt with all these noises. I couldn't control myself until I decided to yell:_

"STOP!!!!"

"Anna?" I looked around……I was at the hospital and Tamao was sitting beside me and Faust standing over me, "What's wrong? Did you have a nightmare?"

'_Nightmare?' _I wiped my eyes and it felt as thought I was crying in my sleep. How did I end up here? I thought for sure I was going to die……if I didn't die then…… "Yoh!" I looked around, what happened?

"He's over there," Tamao pointed across the room. There Yoh was lying unconscious on a hospital bed.

"But how…?"

"Yoh saved you," Dr. Faust grabbed a chair.

"But…Yoh can't swim!" I looked over at Yoh, that's why he's unconscious!

"Well, according to Hao, Yoh's brother," Faust took the chair and sat next to me, "Yoh must've jumped in to save you and somehow pulled you both out of the water, because when Hao found Yoh, you were both soaking wet and unconscious."

"Hao's here?"

"Yes, but he stepped out for a bit," Faust got a serious look on his face, "Now, tell me about your dream. You were shaking, sweating, and I think, _crying_."

He said crying weird, because ever since after my parents died, I wouldn't cry. I suppose it was pretty weird. I thought for a second how to word what I dreamt of…… "I……dreamt of the devil."

It seems Faust and Tamao were both taken aback, "The devil?"

"Yes, the man who murder my family……he was taunting me……and I guess trying to kill me……" Now that I thought of it……maybe I really did dream of the devil and he was trying to pull me into hell while I was on that very thin line of life and death.

"Well, then," Faust, I guess, didn't really know what to say, "That _is_ a nightmare about the devil."

Tamao looked very concerned and a little scared, "A-are you okay Anna?"

"I'll be fine," I tried to smile for her.

"Well, Anna, I know you probably won't want to go back to sleep after that," Faust stood up, "but try to get some rest. My wife should be back with the result soon and Mrs. Hino will be here as soon as possible, until then rest."

I decided to try, I must've been really tired because it seems that I'm instantly……falling……asleep……

ooo000ooo

"……Anna……?"

I twitched as I heard my name called, I opened my eyes half-way, "……Yoh…?"

"Hey, how're you doing?" He smiled and asked softly.

"Ok…I guess……How am I supposed to feel?"

He smiled at me and took my hand in his, I felt a little better. After a while I felt kind of awkward. 'Is it better to know or not to know?' I started to hate those words because they kept entering my mind. He probably knew about my condition already. I wish I could've told him……he's probably hurting know, "I'm sorry, Yoh."

"For what?" He said that, but I knew he knew why.

"For not telling you."

"Oh, it's ok, you had a good reason," he smiled but I still felt guilty.

I looked down, "I……didn't want to get too close to you. I just wanted to help, but I guess I couldn't to that without getting too close. I didn't want anyone to find out," I sighed, "I really hate this place."

"Well you'd better get used to it." Now there's a person who'd make me feel worse: Hao, "You have to stay 2 more days."

"What?! No Way!" I felt like getting up, "There is NO WAY that I'm staying in this stupid hospital for 2 more days."

"Well, you're gonna have to," he shrugged like it was no big deal.

"I always visit my family everyday," I glared at Hao, "I told you already, _nothing _stops me."

"But Anna," Yoh looked at me with worried eyes, "They might be able to help you."

I knew Yoh meant well, but the truth is, "They won't." Faust was a good doctor, but he couldn't be expected to treat something he knows nothing about. "They'll keep stretching the days. After I stay here for 2 days, they'll have me stay for 2 more days, and then more and more. They've been trying to keep me here until I die."

"That's not true," Hao crossed his arms.

"It is," I was getting tired, "They've told me before, when I first came. They told me I'd be safer here at the hospital, but I ran away. They can't keep me here."

"But Anna—"

I really was too tired to argue. So I interrupted asking, "Where's my bandana?"

"With the rest of your clothes," Hao rolled his eyes, "Geez, Yoh's worried about you and all you can think about is your stupid bandana."

Hao was getting me mad and I felt like slapping him, but Yoh stopped me. "Hao," he had a demanding tone; I was glad he understood, "that bandana is her family's last gift to her, it isn't stupid!"

Hao rolled his eyes, sighed, and tried to sound sincere, "I'm sorry, Anna."

"I have to get out of here, this place makes me go mad," I sighed.

"Well," Hao shrugged, "You can't really think about this place if you're asleep."

"Yea, Anna," Yoh gave me a smiled, "Please rest."

I gave a small smile and closed my eyes, trying to fall asleep. I heard a little bit of Hao and Yoh's conversation, but the last thing I heard before drifting off to sleep was Yoh asking, "Anna……you won't leave me……will you?"

000ooo000

I woke up feeling somewhat……refreshed. I can't remember what I dreamed about, but I know that I must've dreamt of something nostalgic. When I awoke, it must've been late because no one was there except for Tamao, who was sleeping beside me. I looked around. I felt a little sad because……Yoh wasn't there. Visiting hours were probably over.

Tamao stirred and her eyes fluttered, "A-Anna," then her eyes widened. "You woke up!!"

I lifted a brow, "Is it that much of a shock?"

Tamao shook her head, "No, I'm just supposed to inform the doctor once you're awake. So please excuse me."

"Wait……why?"

Tamao turned before leaving out the door and looked away and said somewhat sadly, "He's got your results."

It was a little weird, the way she had said it. She was happy and then she got sad. She was probably pretending to be happy. Something didn't sit right in my stomach, I don't know why……but I was nervous.

Dr. Faust entered the room, but only he did no one else, no Eliza, no Tamao. He took the chair next to me and sat down. He had the charts in his hand and he took a breath and I felt like I was holding mine for what he was going to say next:

"Yoh told me to tell you goodnight."

I let out all the air that I was holding. I wasn't expecting him to say _that_.I thought he was going to say something about my results. It's not like I didn't care that Yoh said good night, it was just I was expecting my results, not that.

Then Dr. Faust cleared his throat. It was then I knew that he was going to tell me my results. "Anna," he said in a serious tone, which kinda scared me; he _never_ got this serious, "No improvements. Actually, I think your case has worsened. And……I……" he trailed off and looked down, "……I can't do a thing about it……I'm……sorry, Anna, but you probably won't make it through the whole day tomorrow……I'm sorry…"

I stopped. Everything stopped inside me. When he had said those words……the realization came way to soon………I……was going to die……

Tears filled my eyes……not……not now……I didn't want to die now! I thought about Yoh and Mrs. Hino. I didn't want to leave them. I loved them both. Maybe……maybe that's why I had a nostalgic dream and a terrifying dream, maybe it was to warn me about death? The tears rolled down my face……I didn't want to die.

"I'm sure you've realized, so I'm not going to say it, but," Dr. Faust put a hand in his hair, "everyone's having a hard time dealing with it. I……I guess we all just thought that you'd make it, y'know? Tamao fell asleep crying, waiting for you to wake up. Eliza's crying too."

"Yea, now, of all times, I have to die," I rapidly wiped my eyes.

"Well, you know, it's not for certain……"

I looked at him with sad eyes, "You told me yourself……that you believed that everyone had a sense of when they're going to die. Well……here's my sense……"

"Anna……" he said sadly and slumped down in his chair, "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," I tried, I really did, to try to stop the tears from falling, "Even the best doctor can't stop what he doesn't know about."

"So you really think you're going to……" he wouldn't say it.

"Die?"

"As a doctor, I don't like that word, but in any case, do you?"

"Yea, I guess so," there was a sting in my chest, "it hurts……"

"Want your meds?"

I shook my head and clutched where my hearts is, "No……I want to talk to everyone. Please?"

Dr. Faust nodded, "I'll send in Tamao."

I nodded and he left for Tamao. This was going to be hard. I once again thought, is it better to know or not to know? I thought that in this case, maybe not to know, but I wasn't going to lie to Tamao. She was sensitive and I wasn't exactly sure how I'd get through this……but I knew that somehow I had to.

"Hi, Anna," she came in the room a little shaky. I didn't know what to say or how to start the conversation. Everything I was saying in my head sounded wrong. I couldn't just say "_Hey, so, yea, I'm gonna die soon_."

She sat down and had a smile on her face……but that smile started to twitch and her eyebrows started to frown. She tried to be strong, but it just wasn't working. Her smile broke and tears came out of her eyes, "Oh, Anna! I don't want you to die!"

……So she did know……I couldn't think of what to say and she buried her face in her hands and sobbed loudly. I tried to make her relax, "Tamao……it'll be ok…"

"How?! How will it be okay? Even you, the one who never cries, is crying," she sobbed. I felt like I had a weight on my chest. I felt so sad.

"Well, what am I supposed to do, Tamao?" I stared sadly at her. My words made her look at me, "My next attack will probably be my last. What do you want me to do?"

"I……I don't know," she sniffed, "I just want you to live."

"I can't change natural things, Tamao," she sniffed an "I know", and I continued to speak, "It'll be okay, you have other friends—"

"But that's not the point!"

"I know," I tried to sound calm, I couldn't cry in front of her, if I did, then she'd definitely break down, "I'm just saying that you won't be alone. Grow strong, Tamao, please for me."

Tamao sniffed, "But I'm gonna miss you……"

"You think I won't miss you?" I tried to smile for her, "Remember when we first met?"

_Flashback_

_I had just turned 14 and here I was in the hospital again. It was really boring there and I tried so hard to think of an escape. Mrs. Hino was with me and we waited patiently for my results._

"_Anna," Eliza came in, "There's someone I'd like you to meet."_

"_Who?" I thought it would be another doctor or something. _

"_Her name is Tamao," out stepped a little pink-haired girl from behind Eliza, "I'm going to train her to become a junior nurse."_

"_Tamao, this is Anna, you'll probably see her here a lot," I waved and you gave a slight bow. _

"_Well, I'm going to be right back with your results" Eliza headed towards the doorway, "Tamao, be sure to tend to them if they need anything."_

_You nodded and shyly walked toward us. _

"_Tamao, what a cute name!" Mrs. Hino smiled, "I'm Mrs. Reiko Hino, may I call you Tam-chan?"_

"_Uh…s-sure," you said shyly. _

"_So why did you want to become a nurse?" I asked trying to start a conversation._

"_T-to help people……I-I thought that I should spent my t-time helping rather t-than doing nothing," you looked at the floor._

"_You sure are shy, aren't you?" I asked rather bluntly, "How old are you?"_

"_Um—yea, I'm 12," you avoided eye contact._

_I sighed, "Can't you at least look me in the eye if you're going to talk to me?"_

"_Anna-chan, take it easy on Tam-chan," Mrs. Hino somewhat scolded._

"_N-no, it's fine," you lifted your head a little bit, "I-I should, it's rude if I don't look at the person I'm talking to."_

"_Well, shyness is nice, but shyness can stop you from doing things in life you know you want to," I said and gave a little smile towards you, "You might regret being shy later on in life."_

"_I-I know, I can't help it, b-but," you still avoided eye contact, "I-I'm trying hard to be brave. I heard from the Doctor that you're the bravest person he knew, and that I should learn from you."_

"_So try it out Tamao, try to look me in the eye," I said and gave a smile, "Nice to meet you, Tamao."_

_You looked up at me and smiled, "Nice to meet you too, Anna."_

_End of Flashback_

Tamao gave a little giggle, "Yea, I remember that."

She looked at me in the eyes, "Thank you, Anna."

I gave her a smile, "Be brave Tamao, for me."

"I will," she wiped a tear from her eyes and gave a determined smile, "For you, I will."

Tamao's watch beeped, indicating that it was time for her to go home. She got up and looked at me, "Good bye, Anna." Not 'Good Night', but 'Good Bye'.

"Good bye, Tamao."

Her smile and eyes twitched again and she was about to break, but she didn't. For me, she gave me a smile, "……Good Bye……" Then she gave me a hug.

I wiped my eyes; I'm going to miss Tamao. She was like a sister to me. I've only known her for two years, but we were still close. She was the one who saved me from the boredom of the hospital.

"How'd that go?" Doctor Faust and Eliza walked in.

I looked at him sadly, "Well, I calmed her down."

"What about you?" He took a seat next to me and Eliza did the same.

"I……I guess I'm scared," now that I think about it, I think no matter what people say, they are at some point afraid of death. Even if it's the moment right before you die, when you realize that you're going to die alone and end up who-knows-where. I think it should kind of scare you. I mean, thinking about it right at this moment, if I were to die now, where would I end up? What if I didn't know that I was dead? What if I end up alone in the dark? Many questions roamed my head, "I don't want to die alone……"

"Well, it's normal to be scared," I'm sure Dr. Faust have already seen many people die and maybe that's why he's calm, "Anna……I meant it when I said that you're my favorite patient."

"I mean it when I say you're my favorite Doctor," I gave a little smile; "I'm glad that you were straight forward."

"Well, I had to be. I mean, aren't we supposed to be honest?" I nodded.

Faust was my doctor for as long as I can remember. I think he started training when he was 18 and I was 6. He became my official doctor when I was 8, right after the accident. I actually did live in the hospital under the care of Faust and Eliza until Mrs. Hino decided to "adopt" me. I had always since then had a deep respect for them. And I think that he was the only one (other than Mrs. Hino) to see me cry.

"Anna," Eliza spoke softly, "We had always thought of you like a daughter to us. I don't know if you knew this, but I'm unable to have children. I too had a rare disease when I was young, but Faust cured me. Even though I was cured, it still affected me, and we can't have children. You and I are somewhat similar and you mean a lot to us, Anna."

Tears started to form once again, but I wouldn't let then fall. Then Faust spoke again with a smile on his face, "That's why you're my favorite patient, Anna. I want you to know that I tired my best to try to cure you, I really did. I'm sorry that I couldn't."

"It's ok, you tried your best," I gave him a smile.

Then we heard a beep come from Eliza's pager, "Its Nenji. Its ok, I'll attend to him."

Faust nodded a "thank you". Eliza, before leaving, came to me and gave me a hug and kissed my forehead, "Good Night, Anna."

I nodded and then she left and Faust turned back towards me.

"I……I wanted to thank you, Faust," I looked down, "Ever since my parents died……I always……I always saw you as a father figure. You always lectured me like a father would, and I always thought that if my brother were alive now, you two would be a like."

He smiled at me, "I'm glad Anna. I saw you as a daughter and you saw me as a father."

"See? It works out," I smiled and he put his hand on my head.

"How about I drive you home?"

"Home?" I was a little shocked, "I thought for sure that you'd make me stay here."

"Well you're going to run away anyway," He stood up, "So why make it hard on you? I'll just give up and take you home. Besides, if you really feel weak, then I think you should say bye to Mrs. Hino……and that boy."

"Thanks, Faust," I was so glad that he was my doctor.

"I'll get your clothes," he went to retrieve them and I tried to get up.

I felt very weak and once I got on my feet, I almost fell down. Luckily, Eliza had walked into the room and helped me up. Faust had returned with my clothes and he left the room while Eliza helped me get dressed.

They helped me walk to the car and I was so exhausted. Once in the car, I almost fell asleep. I was afraid to fall asleep, though, I feared that I'd never wake up. No, I had to at least live until tomorrow; I had to tell Yoh good bye.

Faust started the car and headed towards the Inn. I felt a sting in my heart and started to breath heavily.

"Oh, dear," Eliza said with concern as she turned towards me from the front seat.

"Here," Faust handed Eliza my medication and a bottle of water, "Give these to her."

They had given me pain killers and soon my breathing went back to normal. I leaned my head on the window and looked outside. I was dozing in and out and remembered the first time I was in Faust's car.

_Flashback_

"_Ready, Anna?" he had asked. I was about 8 years old going on 9 and I was going to have a surgery. My first surgery without my parents._

"_Uh-huh," I answered, my eyes were emotionless. _

"_Buckle up," he turned towards me from the front seat. I put on my seat belt and he said, "Ok, here we go!" _

_I leaned my head on the window and looked out emotionlessly. We were headed to the cemetery. He told me that we wouldn't have any time to go after the surgery so we have to go now. It was really early and all I could see from outside the window was fog, "Are we almost there?"_

"_Almost," he replied. The cemetery wasn't that far from the hospital because I'd always walk there with Mrs. Hino. At this time, I didn't live with her yet, so I lived in the hospital. I wasn't allowed to go out by myself so she'd always come with me, either her or Faust, "Y'know, you should've told Mrs. Hino about your condition."_

"_Why? It's not her business."_

"_Of course it's her business! It scared her to death the last time she took you to the cemetery and you had an attack."_

_I pouted and knew I wasn't going to win this argument. He spoke again softly, "Don't hide things, Anna, you scared her."_

"_Okay, okay," he was starting to make me feel bad._

"_We're here!" he stopped and parked. _

_I got out of the car and he asked, "Where is it again?"_

"_Over here," I pointed and he held my hand as I guided him. This wasn't his first time coming here, he went to the funeral, but he always said he didn't remember where it was so that I could guide him. I guess he wanted me to feel in charge. _

_We reached the graves and he still held my hand, "You can let go now, we're here."_

"_I know," he responded, but he didn't let go. _

_I pouted. He knew that I always liked to be alone when I visited my parents. I didn't want anyone to see me cry or anything. Whenever someone took me, they'd always give me "alone time". But no, not him._

"_I knew your family too, remember?" He'd say, "I wanted to visit them too."_

_I was really stubborn and didn't do anything but look angry. He closed his eyes and it looked like he was saying some type of prayer. _

"_Y'know, you shouldn't look so angry in front of your family, don't you think?" He opened one eye and gave a smile._

_I pouted and said, "I want alone time!"_

"_Anna, its ok to show emotions in front of others," he opened his other eye, "It's ok if you cry in front of me. It's ok if you let your family know that you miss them. Anna, its ok."_

_My eyes started to water and he bent down to hug me. He had said something that my father would say. His hair reminded me of my brother's. Right now, it felt as though he was my family. I sniffed, "You're mean Doctor Faust you know that I don't like to cry!"_

"_I know, but you have to sometime or another," He looked at me and smiled, "Now ask your family to watch over you during your surgery, okay?"_

_I nodded and said a little prayer to my family. When I was done he asked, "Ready?"_

_I nodded and said, "Thank you, Doctor Faust."_

_End of Flashback_

I smiled as I remembered that. I lifted my head up from the window and looked at Faust. I was really grateful to him.

"We're here!" He said as he parked the car. We all go out and said our goodbyes. Eliza gave me a big long hug. I felt a little bad; I didn't have too many memories of her, even though she was with Faust for as long as I could remember. But what I do remember was that she was always a kind and beautiful woman that loved me like a mother would a child. I had seen Faust as a brother too, so I had always imaged Eliza as the sister-in-law that I never had. I smiled at her and said, "Thank you, Eliza. Tell Tamao to be strong."

"I will, I'll miss you Anna," she gave a tearful smile.

Now I had to tell Faust good-bye. "Anna, it still feels like I'll see you tomorrow."

I gave a smile, "Thank you Faust, for everything. For being a father and a brother to me."

He gave me a hug, "I hope you see that boy tomorrow. Y'know, he really does care for you. I had a talk with him today."

"Really, what did he say?" I asked.

"You'll have to find out," he smiled, "You'll always be my favorite patient."

"Thanks Faust," tears formed and we got out of our embrace.

"Good bye Anna, it feels weird to say it like this, but I'll miss you."

I guess it was weird to say good-bye, but I was glad he was calm, "I'll miss you too. Good bye."

They got in their car and I walked into the Inn. Now came the hard part. I was totally exhausted and I knew that the painkillers Faust gave me were going to wear off soon. Now, I had to say good-bye to the two people I loved most. Mrs. Hino and Yoh.

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

**Whew, that was long. Well sorry it was really long (according to my computer it was 13 pages). Sorry if it seemed a little unrealistic in the sense that they all knew she was going to die. I actually do believe, though that everyone (if they die of natural causes) have a sense when they're going to die. Anna's strong, so that's why I wrote it like I did. I really hoped that you liked this chapter and I really hope that you REVIEW. Oh, and:**

**ATTENTION: It may take me a while to get the next chapter up because I'm starting to get really busy. So please be patient and wait for me! I WILL finish!**

**Well, until next time **

**Ja ne **


	13. The Hardest Part is Saying GOODBYE

**Allll-righty-then… I ****AM NOT**** dead! Hehe, yes I am back…for now. I feel really bad because it's a year since I last updated. But I'm really grateful to you, my faithful fans and **_**I'M REALLY SORRY **_**I made you wait so long, but school's been really stressful lately and some personal problems…so yea. But here I am…back!! Hehe, so I haven't said this in a while, but: Enjoy!**

Chapter 13:

"The Hardest Part…is Saying GOODBYE"

I stepped into the Inn. It was quiet and it felt a little disturbing…I wasn't used to this silence. It was probably my nerves just making me believe the Inn was eerie. I looked around, Mrs. Hino wasn't working…I hope she wasn't asleep. I wouldn't have the heart to disturb her if she was……but I HAD to talk to her…I could never forgive myself if I didn't tell her about my undying gratitude towards her.

"Hey, Mako," I said walking by the front desk, "Do you know if Mrs. Hino is asleep?"

"No, I'm sorry," Makoto apologized, "Her shift ended not too long ago, so maybe she's still awake."

"Oh, okay, thanks," I gave her a quick smile as I walked towards Mrs. Hino's room.

My eyes started to droop and there was a little pain in my chest. It wasn't serious, I was used to stuff like this, but man, was I getting tired. I was afraid to fall asleep though; if I slept…maybe I wouldn't wake up. I had to talk to Mrs. Hino right away.

I knocked on her door. I heard a little shuffle on the other side. I swallowed hard. I needed to be strong, I know Mrs. Hino would probably cry and maybe say some things about her late husband, so I needed to be strong for her. I needed to be her support. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. This will be the hardest thing I have to do in this short life: say goodbye.

The door opened and I jumped slightly. I was too lost in my thoughts and the sudden movement scared me. Mrs. Hino's eyes were red and her cheeks looked moist, "Oh, Anna-chan…"

"I'm sorry to bother you so late, Mrs. Hino…"

"Actually, I was waiting up for you…" she gave a sad smile, "Dr. Faust called me…"

"Oh…" Then…did she already know?

"Please come in, Anna-chan," Mrs. Hino said as she moved out of the way to let me in. She sat me down at her table and offered me some tea. I didn't really want any, but I think she was just trying to busy herself to prolong the conversation that was about to occur. So I just nodded, to make her feel better.

"So is it true?" Mrs. Hino asked slowly while avoiding eye contact, "Is it true that you're going to…"

"Die?" I finished for her and she slowly nodded without looking at me. I looked down and closed my eyes as I felt a small sting in my chest, "Yes, its true. I don't have very long. So I wanted to tell you thanks for taking care of me. I'm truly in your debt and I can't thank you enough for everything you've done for me. The list could go on and on about what I could thank you for, but most of all thanks for caring and loving me. I love you, Mrs. Hino."

These words were more difficult to spit out than I could ever imagine. I decided to just say it all at once, to get it over with…if I went slowly then I might've broke down. I couldn't cry, if I cried then Mrs. Hino would cry and it would just make things all the more painful. I had to stay strong. I had to stay strong. I had to stay strong. I had to keep repeating this in my head to keep my mind off anything else.

The fact that I was going to die was slowly hitting me. This was real. I was going to leave behind everything, not that I had much, but I was going to die leaving behind Mrs. Hino and Yoh. I would never wish this on them. Both Mrs. Hino and Yoh have already lost people special and close to them…I can't do this…I can't die…I……I don't want to die…I…

Then Mrs. Hino suddenly embraced me. She must've seen me struggling with my thoughts because she said: "Don't be afraid, Anna-chan."

"But…But…I…" I couldn't speak…my voice was cracking and I was choking on my words…tears were threatening to spill over and ruin my façade…I couldn't…

"It's okay to cry, Anna-chan, I'm here for you, I promise."

Mrs. Hino was holding me tightly and I could hold it in anymore, "I…I…I don't wanna die!!" Tears streamed out of my eyes like rain pouring down. It came so suddenly and I wasn't expecting it. It was getting hard to breath and words couldn't form, just sharp breathes. But I still tried to talk…I needed to get my feeling out or I was afraid I wasn't going to rest in peace, "Why……why does this always happen to me…?? Why can't I be happy??"

"Anna…" Mrs. Hino said quietly and softly as to calm me down, "Everything happens for a reason…"

"Reason?? REASON?? What reason??" I hiccupped, "What could possibly be a good enough reason to explain the murder of my family?? What could possibly be a good enough reason for your husband's death?? What could possibly be a good reason for ANYONE'S misery??"

"But things worked out…you were stronger…I was stronger, and we met each other," Mrs. Hino whispered as she held me tighter, "All these things are unfortunate and I would've never in a million years wished that that would happen to any of us, but the fact is that is _did _happen. And that's something we cannot change."

"But…Yoh…" I closed my eyes tightly, picturing his sad face in my mind, "I can't leave him…I don't want to."

"There's nothing I can say that that would make you happy or clam your nerves," her arms got tighter around me, "I know how you feel, or rather, I'll know how Yoh feels if he looses you…and its not something that's easy to cope with. But I promise to look after Yoh for you."

The tears just wouldn't stop. I've always been close to death, and I stopped fearing it a long time ago…but now…I guess you could say I feared it because I didn't want to leave Mrs. Hino and Yoh behind. I didn't want them to be sad…I didn't want them to cry over me…and I didn't want to be without them.

Mrs. Hino was surprisingly very strong. I was expecting her to do the crying, and instead it was me…but I needed this. I needed this cry or else it would've come to me while I was saying goodbye to Yoh, and I definitely needed to be strong for when I say goodbye to him.

"Anna-chan," Mrs. Hino was crying, I could tell, "I love you."

I didn't think it was possible but more tears were racing down my cheeks and I somehow choked out, "I…I love you too, Mrs. Hino."

"You're a wonderfully beautiful young lady, Anna-chan," she said sincerely and slowly. Her words soothed me and somehow calmed me down, "I'm so proud of you, and I'm sure your family will be delighted to see you and how you've turned out. You saved that boy and me…"

"You…?"

"You saved me from my loneliness. We had both lost something important to us and out of what I lost, I found a daughter instead," she smiled as she started to tear-up.

"Mrs. Hino…"

"I'll be all right," her breathing started to get shaky, "I just wanted you to know that I love you…I love you so much and I will always think of you as a daughter. Please, don't be scared…"

She started to rub my back as I silently cried. Her words soothed me. It was a hard thing, knowing that you were going to die. I always knew I was…and I always accepted it, but now…I didn't want to accept it and I didn't want to die. But it was something we all had to do someday or another, and I'm sure that no one ever truly wishes to die. Suicide was always a spur of the moment thing, life might be hard at the time, but there's always a chance for things to get better. There's no telling how long it would take for life to get better, but you have to try to make it better. Doing nothing would always result in nothing. I've done nothing for so long. I wasted some of my life doing nothing, just wallowing in my sorrow……burdening Mrs. Hino and being ice cold. But finally I was able to do something right when I met Yoh and my life got better. I suppose I should be happy and feel grateful that even though my life is ending…I was able to love and be loved. And though I wouldn't really wish to die now…I'm glad it was now, _after_ I had found love.

I smiled. It was hard to tell if I really saved Yoh's life or if he really saved mine? I couldn't change fate…whether I met him or not I was going to die. I'm just so utterly grateful that I had the chance to meet him before I died. Because of him I get to die saying I was loved…and I was able to love; the greatest thing in the world.

I was calm again. Mrs. Hino helped me to accept my death once again. And I knew she wasn't all right either, she just held on strong so that I would keep strong.

"Thank you so much, Mrs. Hino, you've really helped me find peace."

"And you've helped fulfill my life," Mrs. Hino smiled.

I remembered back to when I first met Mrs. Hino. Her husband had recently died and to help occupy her time, she helped out at the hospital. She thought my case was especially sad and wanted to help me out, so she used to take me to the cemetery all the time. At first I kind of thought she was little annoying, in which I feel bad now, but I was a grouchy young kid. And she was so understanding of that. I even remember when I heard she was going to take me home. I was about 9 years old back then.

_Flashback_

"_Well, Anna," Faust said entering my room, "Looks like you've found a new home at the Funbari Inn! Isn't that great? Mrs. Reiko Hino is going to take you home!"_

"_I don't want to," I pouted, "I'm just going to die soon anyway!" _

"_Now, Anna, don't say that, Mrs. Hino is a very lovely lady! She always takes you to the cemetery!"_

"_I don't want to get close to another person!" I yelled at him, "Just let me die here involving no one else!"_

_Faust crossed his arms, "Now, Anna, don't act like Mrs. Hino is a perfect stranger. You've known her ever since the incident."_

_I pouted and crossed my arms_

"_She'll take care of you, I promise."_

"_I don't care."_

_Faust sighed and then turned to the door, "Eliza? Is she here yet?"_

"_I just got a call that she arrived!" we heard Eliza call back from outside the room, "I'm going to go get her!"_

"_Now, Anna, please be on your best behavior," he uncrossed his arms and walked toward me, "You know that Mrs. Hino has been nothing but nice to you and she is qualified to help you if you get sudden attacks."_

"_Whatever," I continued to pout._

"_We're here!" Eliza's angelic voice chimed as she entered the room with Mrs. Hino._

"_Hello, Anna-chan!" Mrs. Hino politely said._

_Faust nudged my arm, "Hello Mrs. Hino." I said rather dully._

"_Don't you worry, Anna-chan, I will take good care of you."_

"_You know I'm going to die, right?" I said bluntly. _

"_W-why, Anna-chan," she sure wasn't expecting that one, "T-that isn't for certain…"_

"_And the fact of me staying alive for that long isn't certain either," I could hear Faust sigh beside me._

"_Well, the future is something we can never be certain about…"_

"_And you're okay with that?" I asked and uncrossed my arms, "You just lost your husband and if you take me home and I die tomorrow, will you be okay with that?"_

"_Anna-chan," she gave me a smile, "I am okay with that because it is better to know then not to know. I don't regret marrying my husband, even though he has left before me, it was wonderful that I had my time with him. And now I'm eager to have my time with you, whether I die first or if you die first."_

_Her words shocked me. I definitely wasn't expecting it. _

"_Now," she gave me a cheerful smile, "Are you ready to have your time with me?"_

_I slowly but surely nodded, "Just don't regret it…"_

"_Regret nothing," she came closer to my side and extended her hand, "Everything happens for a reason, don't forget that Anna-chan."_

_I wasn't totally convinced, but I remember giving out a little smile as I took her hand. Her words were encouraging and it sounded like something I really wanted to believe. It was comforting. And I should never forget that._

"_Ready to go to your new home?" She asked._

_I gave a small smile and nodded. I knew then that this woman would change my life._

_End of Flashback_

"You've helped to fulfill my life too, Mrs. Hino. I know I was ungrateful at times and a real brat, but you always smiled at me and was understanding. I don't know how I could've survived without you."

I felt her smile against me as we were still embracing each other, "I'll miss you, Anna-chan."

"And there's no telling how much I'll miss you," I breathed in her scent knowing that this was the last time I could do that, "Thanks for being like a mother to me."

She squeezed me tighter and then let go to look at my face, "How long do you think you'll last?"

I must've felt tense…the pain was now coming without me realizing it…was I already starting to feel numb? Was this going to be a fairly easy death? I breathed in shakily, "I…I don't know…probably not very long after the morning…"

"Then you need to say goodbye to _him_," she looked sadly at me.

"I…I know," I looked sadly away, "I just don't know how I'm going to do it without breaking down…"

"Just tell him how you feel."

"Easier said than done…"

"Remember everything happens for a reason," Mrs. Hino smiled.

"Thanks so much…I cannot say that enough," I smiled at her and gave her another quick hug.

"Thank you too," she hugged back and started to cry, "May angels lead you in…"

"I'll say 'hi' to your husband for you…"

"Please watch over me…I don't know how I can manage…"

"Don't give up hope, Mrs. Hino, you're my hope…" I gently pulled away, "Me and my family will watch over you always."

Mrs. Hino smiled, "Thank you…I needed to hear that."

I stood up, "I have some thinking to do."

Mrs. Hino slowly nodded.

"If I can, after I talk to Yoh, I'll come back here…"

"Please don't overexert yourself…"

"Don't worry…I won't…its just I'll never forgive myself if I don't say goodbye to Yoh…"

"I understand," she nodded.

"Goodbye, Mrs. Hino," I said while walking to the door. I turned back to her to smile, "I love you."

"I love you too, Anna-chan," tears were silently dripping down her face, "Goodbye…"

I closed the door and left. Tears flowing silently down my cheeks. It was one thing to know I was going to lose my mother once and then actually losing her…but it was another to have another mother and prepare to lose her too. I was so happy Mrs. Hino was in my life. I was eternally indebted to her, and I would definitely watch over her in the afterlife.

I stopped in my room to pick up something. Something that I could give to Yoh so that he could remember me by. It was my brother's and he treasured it, but I was sure my brother wouldn't mind if I gave it t Yoh as a reminder of me. After I visited my room, I decided to go to the docks. I needed to think. Saying Goodbye to Yoh was going to be one of the hardest things I will ever have to do.

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**I'm really sorry if any of that seemed unrealistic. And I'm really sorry that I disappeared for so long!! I've had a busy year…**I live in America and I went to visit the beautiful New Zealand and Australia!! Hehe, New Zealand is too cold for a Cali girl like me though, hehe. But it was one of the most wonderful trips in my entire life! And I bought my sister a like 150 dollar didgeridoo because she's an awesome musician, and man, it was wonderful!

**And also I got an idea for another story: **_**"Perfectly In The Right Mind"**_** Perhaps you have heard of it? Its says its written by **MiSs LisSsi LiSs**, but that is indeed me. I just wrote it on that profile because I didn't want you guys to think I've abandoned this story. I haven't, I promise. I will get this done…it just will take me a little time! I've been really busy and dealing with some personal problems and can only really focus on one story right now…and I chose the other one because I don't want to forget my ideas for it. This one I have **_**"The High Cost of Living"**_** to look back on if I forget where I am. **

**So please, don't give up on me!! All I ask for is for your continuing support on this story and for your forgiveness. I can't promise a quick update but I will promise not to make you wait another year!! **

**Please review and tell me what you think. Everything is greatly appreciated. I love you guys, I really do!!**

**Until Next time**

**Ja ne!**


	14. Beautiful

**GAHHH!!!!! THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE 100 REVIEWS!!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCH!!!! :D**

**I'm sooooo sorry that I've taken so long to write this!! I've been so busy, like you wouldn't believe!! I'm graduating soon, so I've been focusing on my studies and what I'm going to do after I graduate. And then so many different ideas keep a' coming to my head…so I've been majorly distracted. Also, when I was first starting to write this story, I was depressed and going through some hard times myself, so it was easy to write sad things…Now, I'm not so depressed and I've been putting off writing this chapter because I didn't want to feel sad…But nonetheless, this chapter is FINALLY here!! Please, enjoy!!!**

Chapter 14:

"Beautiful"

It was so cold today. I took deep breathes as I walked to the docks. It was soon, I could tell. It was getting harder to walk and even to heave my chest as I breathed in and out. Please, God, if there is one, let me at least say goodbye to him. I won't be able to rest unless I do. Somehow though, as if someone was pushing, I felt myself getting closer and closer to the docks. Maybe someone was out there looking after me after all.

I'm so glad I met Yoh…He is so special…he doesn't even realize it. My hope is that he _does_ realize it. He has the potential to live a great life, and I hope he does. I hope he realizes that he doesn't need me, or least realizes that I will always be with him. Just like I realized that my family was always with me.

I wish it wasn't like this. Not long ago he lost his best friend…and now I will be leaving him. Why? Why can't _I_ ever be happy? But like Mrs. Hino said, everything happens for a reason…I must remember that.

I saw Yoh's silhouette through the fog, sitting on the very same dock he fell off of. I felt relieved as I walked closer. I will be able to see him…everything _does_ happen for a reason. I took a deep breath as I approached him. I must be strong. I cried and accepted my death while I was with Mrs. Hino. It was my turn to be the strong comforter. If I showed him I was afraid, it would just make everything crumble.

As I got closer, I heard him mumble to himself.

"What are you doing up so early?" I asked as I was now standing behind him.

He quickly turned to look up at me. He had bags under his eyes…did he get any sleep?

He stood up very quickly, "Anna! What are you doing here?"

I suppose he was referring to me being here instead of at the hospital. "I told you I can't stay in that mad place."

His face saddened and was full of concern, "But…Anna!"

"Here, I got this for you," I didn't want to dwell on reasons why I wasn't at the hospital…I just wanted to get out what I wanted to say before it was too late. I gave him my brother's necklace decorated with three bear claws.

"Thank you," he said slowly as he put the necklace on. "I have something for you too. It was my grandma's, but she said it would be good if I gave it to you." He then handed me a beautiful white beaded necklace. "It's supposed to be 'lucky' because it has 108 beads on it."

I put the necklace on and looped it a few times so it wouldn't be so long. "Thanks, Yoh." I gave a small smile as I stared at the pure white beads. I was a little surprised that we met here and got each other gifts. But something else was on my mind, "How did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"I could've sworn I hit the water after that attack," I looked at him while thinking of yesterday's events. The last thing I remembered before passing out was the cold water hitting me. "You said you couldn't swim."

"I can't, or I mean, I couldn't, or I don't know," he sheepishly scratched his head. He was just as confused as I was. "I got scared and jumped in after you. I don't know how, but I think that somehow Amidamaru helped me swim to shore. That doesn't make sense does it?"

I gave a little smile, "It makes perfect sense. He was watching out for you." _Something I would hope to be doing for you, Yoh. _

The smile he gave was sad; it was almost not a smile at all. I wish I could make him smile.

"Last night I asked him so many times to help you."

Again I was reminded that I was going to die. Whether Amidamaru was watching over me or not, my death was inevitable. "…Yoh…"

Suddenly I felt Yoh's strong, warm arms wrap around me. At first I was startled, but I felt so safe and secure in his arms, as if that's exactly where I needed to be.

"Please……Anna……don't leave me…Promise me you won't…!"

"But Yoh…I……" Damn it! Why does this have to be so hard?!! I can't tell him I can't! I don't have the heart to!! I…in a matter of minutes I won't even have a beating heart! Please, Yoh…don't make this hard……What do I say? What _can_ I say?

Suddenly a memory popped into my mind. It was the day before my eighth birthday, my mom was asking me what I wanted for my birthday, and I replied that I wanted nothing, just my family. Then, my mom asked me if I was scared. I didn't answer, but she knew I was.

"_Anna…" my mother said as she stroked my hair with her soft hands, "Don't worry, I will always be with you, and you'll always be with me."_

"_But how's that?" I asked as my eyes were about to overflow with tears. _

"_Because I'm in your heart, and you're always in mine," she softly said as she wiped some tears from my eyes._

"_But the doctor said that when you die, you leave your body," I looked at my mother with confusion plain in my face, "Isn't the heart part of your body?"_

_My mother chuckled and tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear, "Yes, your heart stays here with your body. But whatever is in the heart is also in your soul."_

"_So," I tried to make sense of it all, "My soul will have a problem just like my heart because whatever is in my heart is in my soul?"_

_Mother chuckled again, "No, your soul will not have a problem. My point is I'll always be with you, whether I die first or you die first, as long as I'm in your heart, we will never separate."_

"As long as I'm in your heart, we will never separate," I repeated softly as I put my arms around Yoh tightly, "In that sense, I promise I will never leave you."

"I don't want to let you go," he whispered as he pulled me in closer.

"Then don't…" I closed my eyes tightly as I felt his tears on my shoulder…I'm sure soon he will feel mine. I tried to squeeze tighter to him, "Don't let me go."

"Never…" I believed him. He would never let me go.

I felt a tugged on the back of my chest, almost like someone was tugged at me saying _"It's time to go."_ I knew it was time, and I was glad, because I didn't feel any pain. I got my wish, I got to say goodbye to Yoh. I hope he realizes how precious life is. I hope he realizes that I would not be able to rest in peace if he died. And not just me, I'm sure Amidamaru wouldn't be pleased either.

The tugged got strong and I quietly said in my mind _"Not yet."_ I wanted to linger in his embrace just a little longer. _"Please, please let me stay, just a big longer…You must know that I haven't led the most fortunate of lives…so please…just a bit longer?"_

I didn't know who I was begging, be it God, the devil, or Death itself…I didn't care. I would deal with the consequences later…as long as I got just a little bit more time.

"_You have until the rain."_

I smiled slightly; I was satisfied with that answer. I was in no position to be calling the shots here, so as long as I got a little while longer, I would not complain.

I was happy, really, I was. I was dying living a fulfilled life. Sure, there was a lot I didn't get to do, but I was able to save a person's life. I was able to help someone live, and I was able to love. Really, what more could I ask? I hated life. I was always at rock bottom, thinking my life was meaningless, meant to die before I hit puberty. I was surrounded by death and life seemed to have no meaning at all. But here I am now, bringing meaning to someone else's life, who in turn, brought meaning to my life. Life wasn't full of hate now. Life had so much more meaning, and I was glad to live through it, as little as it might've been.

Flashbacks came into my mind: Mother, Father, Touya, Faust, Eliza, Mrs. Hino, Toshi, Hao…Yoh…

Yoh will always be there in my mind and I will always love and watch over him. I was looking forward to it. Just because I was dying didn't mean I wasn't going to live on. I was going to be there in Mrs. Hino and Yoh's heart watching over them.

Even though I was no longer to exist in a living fleshy body, I was happy to live in a beautiful memory; a beautiful dream. I wouldn't truly die, and with that, I'm satisfied.

"What do you think would be the best way to die?" I whispered suddenly.

"In my sleep, that way I won't feel anything."

"I used to think," I almost laughed at my 'best way of dying'; "that jumping off the highest mountain would be the best way."

"Why?" I heard the confusion in his voice.

"Because as you're falling, you get to see all the beauty in the world." I remembered the time when I was younger that I contemplated whether I should jump off the tallest building in town at sunset, that way I could remember beauty before I died.

"But it would hurt in the end." And that's what stopped me when I was younger, and I'm glad it did.

"Yes," I weakly replied as I felt a few sprinkles on my head and a slight tugging on my chest. My eyes started to water as I knew the time was closer than I thought, "So I thought of a better way to die."

"How?" I heard the reluctance in his voice as I felt his arms hold me tighter.

"In your arms." I felt so warm. It didn't feel like I was dying now. Yoh was so close, so comforting, definitely the best way to go. I'm glad that this moment will be my last memory. It was definitely more beautiful than an orange-and-purple sunset.

"…Anna…" I felt the sprinkle starting to get harder, starting to drizzle. "…I love you…"

It was perfect.

I couldn't be happier.

Tears started to escape my eyes. "I love you too…" I got on my tip-toes to whisper in his ear, "I will never regret meeting you……Remember, I saved your life for a reason…"

The drizzle turned to rain and the tug on my chest got so strong I couldn't take it anymore. I said what I wanted, and I felt how I wanted. I _Let Go_ and it was beautiful.

My death was my cost of living and for a while there, I almost wasted it. I almost wasted the life my parents gave me and worked so hard to keep. Even my brother made sure that I was safe and that I lived my life, even though my life was not meant to last long. So many people fought for me to live, and I'm so glad that in the end I was allowed to return the favor and save Yoh's life. And in that, I found love, and truly realized the point of living before I died.

I lived and loved…and it was…_beautiful_.

_**

* * *

**_

_**End.?**_

**Yes, no? What do you think, should I end it there? It kinda sounds like an ending…but you don't really get to hear what happens to Yoh…though…that's kinda hard to explain in a POV story…I was originally planning to continue…but I wasn't sure if I should. Do you think I should continue or just settle with an epilogue like I did in "The High Cost of Living"? Please let me know what you think!!! **

**Sorry if this chapter wasn't what you were hoping for…if you are displeased, I will try to re-write it!! The problem with this chapter is I wrote this chapter all within like an hour or two without thoroughly thinking it through…I just read the chapter in the original fic and improvised from there…so I really hoped you liked it!! Please review and let me know what you think!!! Until Next Time**

**Ja ne **


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